Saturday, December 31, 2005

The Year Ends, The Night Begins

Being friends with Jonah Goldberg has its privileges. Yeah, we hate each other, but that's what binds us together- he's got the cash and the multi-media empire, I've got the brains and you know he's always had a thing for Geenie C. We just pretend to like each other. Anyway, I'm swilling his VIP room champagne at the club, he thinks he's teaching me a lesson. He's trying to be edgy as he passes around a pack of clove cigarettes, although the Magnum PI lighter he got from Tom Selleck at an NRA meet-and-greet is not doing him any favors. Since this part of the club is starting to smell like a god-damned Christmas ham, I decide to check out the rest of the action.

Song: Pure Freak-downlowtooslow. Missy mashed with the androgynous misanthropes Placebo. Is this the mashup that proves you can mix Missy with anything? No, that's Missy plus some Bach fugue they played earlier.

Either way Brian Molko's sexual ambiguity is fitting because as I look across the dance floor, I see Chuckles is trying to find some more coats to check so he may continue to ply the coat check "girl" with suspect tips. Where's his babysitter?

Song: I Need a Spirit Machine-ccc. Norman Greenbaum, the Fabs, Goldfrapp. A killer.

Some conspicuous PDA on the floor- a Josh Duhamel lookalike and a trendo wearing a "librarians do it in the stacks" skirt become interwined. Young love indeed. Oh there's Fulsome, he's looking wistfully at the floor although it seems his g-friend wants his nerdly side at full-attention.

Song: Rip It Up-Orange Juice.

How did this get played? What's going on? I catch AG and Uncanny Canadian (Three Bulls!) sneaking out the door. Well, they'd had their hands all over each other all night, probably headed out of this ham and sausage festival. The first idea that something was amiss was when this song started playing and the tv above the bar stopped playing German Gay-ish semi-porn and started playing Patriots highlights. Oh, I see that Gavin M. and Brad R. have taken over the DJ booth. Looks like it is going to be Tom Brady and the Damned for the rest of the night.

Well they're doing the balloon drop and another New Years comes and goes. Jonah toasts the troops on his fake gimpy leg thinking of Jenna the whole time. Cheney's in the back room with the as-of-yet unmoved Ecstacy working Bobby Lightfoot over for channeling a damn good Lester Bangs. Blue Girl's drinking a tonic with lime cuz she's gonna take care of everyone's drunk ass. Troy been passed out in a sea of beef for at least an hour, he'd already had his own ball drop. Res, he hasn't left his little booth all night, looking both dour at the rest of us and smitten at the same time with his special someone. He's doing that thing where he gives you a weird, skeptical eyeball. It's like the eye of Sauron that one.

a and p
were of course bickering over a's scarf left in the cab. p just wants to order a drink but a a) won't decide and b) want's to blog about p's assumed hegemony over a's drink choice. The Rev. of course merely has to say two not really words in his English accent and he pulls like 20 birds. He's fit, but by God, don't he know it.

All the cool kids scored like a million dates and were too cool for this club of miscreants, plus jexter got his eyeball chewed out by a chipmunk. aif is diversifying his portfolio as we speak. Auguste is trying out some poetry on some babe, but perhaps he has forgotten that the poetry already worked and that it is his wife. Halford, Chip and Baby Si-Si are busy building a spaceship with Take 5 bar wrappers while being watched by church police.

I ask Gavin to put on one little tune, one little Happy Monday's tune, the kids perk up, they hear the guy from Gorillaz' "Dare"...

Happy New Year, Cobaggos!

And we continue...

Three Bulls! Pulls Itself Up From the Unceasing River of Bullsh*t

Only to flood you with a torrential downpour of unseemly and marginal content.

1. SeanS of shootaliberal has been bored by us. We must try harder to amuse him in his Nero-like debauched shell of existence.

2. We would like to thank American Airlines for our safe return to Teh Gay Bay, albeit with a probable blood clot inching it's way to our brains.

3. This joke has nothing to do with deadly wildfires, but more a meditation on a certain expression. Three Bulls! has noted the fondness of certain deliberate Southerners™ to call out to seemingly blurry, fast-moving Northerners™ "where's the fire?" as if to censure their haste. Three Bulls! would like to note that if that hypothetical fire were to be in Dallas-Ft. Worth International Airport, then everybody would be dead, certainly those ordering a sandwich for the apparent first time in their life.

4. We have been away from our Supercomputer of Webposting Extravagancy, we apologize, we know your lives have been inordinantly dimmed by the recent dullness of our shining star.

5. The doggies have survived their trip to the doggie holding center, although Smokedog seems put out by NSA spying. Pugman considers him a traitor and was merely happy to be safe. Also, since we are trafficking in hypotheticals, my good deeds saved countless millions of lives, because all those cobags I told to "eat it" did so. Don't ask me for proof. Also, I stopped 50 nuclear bombs using Jexter's laser. Turns out implacable nanobots actually can be placated by Take 5 bars. So next time somebody wants to leak my play book (thanks T. Lott, we needed to football analogize this terrorism situation, and way to drop Sun Tzu- maybe you meant General Tso [ed. can't find the quote]), they'd better think first, because they could be signing the death warrant of countless millions of hypothetical terror victims. To quote a famous man: "it could happen".

And we continue...

Friday, December 23, 2005

Implacable Nanobots Team Up With Panamanian Secret Police

You wish, cobags. Sinster familial forces swirl about Three Bulls! headquarters. Geenie Cola's presence in the home hive is demanded by the Colacular Matriarch.

Some housekeeping:

1) Since everyone is gonna be posting lightly for the next while, why not take the opportunity of FINDING quotes for the contest. We can generate 76 comments on Yosef's disturbingly agile beer belly, yet our contest for extreme cobaggery, that should be easier than beating Jonah Goldberg in a three-legged race with himself, we have nothing. Not even babka (thanks USPS- see RoD bakeoff posts). We promised Take 5 bars to the winner, and that wasn't enough. Here is the link as proof. Other winner gets a Three Bulls! tee, and it doesn't have to be "THYCWOTI SAY RELAX" we're working on a Yosef themed Wham! one as well. More crap here.

2) We're not gonna get all mushy just because Baby J. demands it. We feel the same about everyone that we usually do. Our tiny black heart is filled with love for everyone. Even the party goers.

3) We spy with our little eye the goings on of the A-P Collective. Will their amazing shtick grate with time or grow lagubrious? As usual, we accord them respect as persons as persons. We remain skeptical of P, the gay conservative. Wethinks he's merely desirous of the attention of the vertitable stable full of STUDS that is the assorted Three Bulls! hangers on and more distantly related. See RoD, Freedom Camp and environs. A, A is enigmatic. We say no more in light of her refusing us respect as persons as persons.

4) Please tell your real world friends and your internet ones too how much you appreciate their little japes and hijinks done to amuse you during those fleeting moments when your iPod is recharging, keeping you from listening to "My Humps" or "Wonderwall" or some such.

5) Remember to cultivate your non-internet hobbies, jobs, relationships in the coming year.

6) Don't be anymore of a cobag than you need to be, but remember that there are certain times that you need to be more of a cobag.

7) Thank you to Yosef/THYCWOTI and Gregor/MomH/PupH and most importantly Kitty Kattwood doing it to the Prez 3B! style. Please remember the sacrifices of those who are lost and have yet to be found.

8) Reading blogs is stupid. Interacting with people and commenting and having fun is not stupid. Lurkers are encouraged to say hey, not even here. Give Auguste some props, for example. Tell teh than you appreciate him when he gets all serious. Tell spacemonkey he's a goddamned cobag, but do it with a smile, because we aim to be a higher class of cobag. That's why we're so Raven!

9) Also, don't let porking babes take the edge off your beer pong game.

10) Since AG just had a stroke at that last link, consider a donation to charity, and not your local weed dealer, pop ren.

11) Pinko Punko and assorted hangers on will return in one week.

12) Monday

13) Goldberg

14) Theatre



*™Bobby Lightfoot, god love him.

And we continue...

Amazon! Amazon!

No Jonah Goldberg hasn't reviewed anything in awhile. The Poor Man News Team has a find concerning the poor man's O'Reilly, Johnny Gibson. We're spineless so we'll pull an Insty "disturbing, if true" (thanks, Ron Mexico) although that's like watching CSI and pretending you don't get off on the dead bodies and hot chicks getting creatively mangled. Don't pretend, cobags. Although, from this story it looks like Johnny G. might be fun to have over and watch football with the cat. It's like an alcohol fueled trainwreck that arrives at your personal theatre of the macabre pre-lubed. Don't even have to waste any of your Steel Reserve.

And we continue...

Thursday, December 22, 2005




You wouldn't love us if we were E-Z cheezy. Only regular commenters and bloggin ROCK stars get the full shiatsu and bathouse or is it bathhouse treatment? (Teh, help me out)

Pinko loves you. THYCWOTI must be satisfied- he has the keys to the blogrollio.

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Our Kind of Cobag, but Demanding

Red, White and Polyamorous, but not actually polyamorous. That would be Mr. Nice Guy, who seems like...a nice guy! It's another dimension at RWP, one we expect to be littered with brandy-soaked cigarillos and Strunk and White's Elements of Style-Law School Edition. And broken hearts. And Smarties.

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Ah, the Medical Devices Profession

I'm sure they'll start advocating for research ethics panels, and they'll claim Einstein and Darwin are quite fat. You know what? There are certain reasons why industries need to be regulated. One of them is that they will literally steal the bones of a beloved grandfather figure to make substandard prosthetic devices. Oh yeah, link here. Maybe the AEI could advocate "GPCs- grandpa bone credits" where unethical funeral directors can buy and sell excess grandpa bones to minimize grandpa bone emissions. Maybe they can offer people tax credits for people that find out that grandpa's bones have been stolen. I'm sure these and other solutions will be less damaging to the economy than regulation. For more on why burying grandpa with his bones intact may be bad for the environment, and how this grandpa bone deficit just suggests that the market should be more optimally exploited, please go to Tech Central Station and John Stossel: "Helping Grandpa's body take up less space by sequestering his bones for your own good."

And we continue...

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

On the Digby Thing

Seriously Eff Digby. What a cobag. Positively Hilzoy-esque in his preparation and thoughtfulness. You know what that does? That makes the rest of us look like cobagging cobaggios. You want to shame them as they deserve? Then kick them some funds or some nominations for the Koufax awards. They'll never forgive themselves while we effortlessly smirk.Oh, look, is that Digby? No, it's us. It's how Digby makes us look with his trying. Oh look, we missed the penalty because of stupid Digby. DIGBY DIGBY DIGBY. That's all I ever hear these days!

And we continue...

Sandies (mmmm...)

Pecan sandies! Oops! I meant the Koufax awards!

Look, we know that 3B! is the greatest blog on earth that has the number 3, the word bulls, and the word blogspot in the url, but not everyone is aware. We would like you, our loyal 4 readers (and Chuckles), to take some time to go here and nominate 3Bulls for the only categories that we would really belong in:

A) Best Expert Blog - for our work on shooting lasers at crystals in the Puget Sound while taking a break from diagramming the cellular structure on differential equations; and Ric Flair.

2)Best Series that doesn't run any more even though it was funny as bubbles because Pinko got too busy and tired to do it anymore (and the rats ate MJ.) (I didn't even see any other ones nominated for this category.)

C)Most Deserving Lesser Recognition.

IV)Best Commenter - your choice, Der Commissar or Seth.

Remember, it's your civic duty. I've got purple fingers, do you?

UPDATE: Plenty of people parading purple pfingers (damn, that last alliterative didn't work did it?)

Best Expert Blog: 3Bulls! at

Posted by: Chuckles | December 21, 2005 10:59 PM

Best single issue blog: 3Bulls!

Posted by: shingles | December 21, 2005 11:55 PM

And we continue...

Three Bulls! run to the BEEF!

OK Kids, let's get this out in the open. We are targeting Gumbah's in Vallejo for RUN TO THE BEEF. After New Year's, sooner rather than later. Fulsome is in, pop ren? Teh L4m3? Also if you are a Three Bulls! commenter and you happen to live in the vicinity of the BA and you hate your life enough that you want to blow some precious free time with our motley crew, shoot me a line and we will arrange. 3bulls, gmail, you know the rest.

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Contest Entries Go Here this here thread. We'll be voting later. Keep them coming. I know it is hard to find comments some places, amidst all the trackbacks.

ALSO, what do you guys think of this? I think it could be trend. I don't know if we can do oversize, though. POSSIBLE contest prize!

And we continue...

What Is This Throbbing, Fleshy Bolus of Meat Junk?

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Lunchtime Poll and CONTEST!

Since none of you bizzie lizzies really nominated anyone for a Golden Onion Wiener award, let's try a different tack. I want to see examples of the absolutely worst comments you can possibly find. We need some ground rules and a contest. The finder of the most inane comment will receive a decent sized pile of Take 5 bars and the finder of the most illogical (EDIT two kinds of inane are just too similar) comment will receive a Three Bulls! tee, including a shot at a possible special edition! For the ground rules, we basically need to decide whether we're going to allow the eazy cheezie low hanging fruit to be plucked (i.e. Free Republic or LGF)? Up to you loafwads. I am your humble servant.

And we continue...

Monday, December 19, 2005

Because They Think That They Can

Prove them wrong.

And we continue...

The Duchy of Teeny Tiny Wiener

Declares that it has a divine right to ocean access and a port on the Adriatic. Furthermore, we declare right of passage via the Lower Danube. Any infringement upon our national sovereignity will be met with forceful actions. The Citizens of Teeny Tiny Wiener also demand a levy of Enzyte from Wingery, as they have more than enough for themselves. We encourage the enemies of Teeny Tiny Wiener to EAT IT COBAGGIOS.

And we continue...

True Christmas Spirits: Yelling, Swearing and Causing Mayhem

The Mirror Universe Has Two Faces-Evil Spock and Super Evil Spock

Imagine an Evil Spock more Evil that this one, a Super Evil Spock, trained in illogic and unreason, fighting terrorists for liberty. I know. I KNOW. IT'S HARD.

UPDATE: You just watched the press conference. Was that effluent de cobag anymore convincing? The only thing I am convinced of is Super Evil Spock is having his day, preparing for the time when we will all be forced into EAT IT COBAG camps.

Three Bulls have previously discussed the alternate universe that resides on the other side of the aisle. This is not the same universe where Evil Spock has a beard. In this other other universe, Super Evil Spock devilishly concocts illogical contrivances unequaled in the history of human thought. And this illogic is the exact logic that will capture and spear the hearts of al Qaeda and Iraqi insurgents alike, the emotionally fragile terrorist networks with low self-esteem.

Remember how easily these terrorists can be emboldened? Hillary-Hairy Legs orders a soy-chai? al-Zarqawi opens an "IED" factory. Sergio Slappypants marries his boyfriend in quaint P-Town ceremony? Taliban units regroup, grow some opium.

See the whole time, George W. Bush, he's been playing it cool, with the help of Super Evil Mr. Spock. He's been saying that he's going after the bad guys and he's serious, but all they know is that he didn't seem really serious when he let bin Laden go at Tora Bora. But that's part of the plan. The other part of the plan, linking Iraq with al Qaeda, and then invading Iraq (the whole time al Qaeda is all "sphincter say what?"). All this crazy behavior could only lead them to do one thing: lower their defenses. All of their defenses except one. The warrant detecter. al Qaeda have always operated in an incredibly cavalier fashion. When Zarqawi calls me up, I see his name right there on the caller ID, in fact he insists we talk on speaker phone in a public place and that I can't use my code name, and I must refer to him always by full name. In fact, when he comments on Three Bulls! he has a little gravatar with his picture on it. He feels he can be this way because G. Dub hasn't really been serious at all about terrorism or the never-ending war on terror.

That would have been his fatal mistake except the douchey New York Times screwed it up (here's Hilzoy with the drama and details). Al Qaeda's last defense was always their ability to detect any and all warrants issued for determining any criminal activity. Even warrants issued by rubber stamp secret courts! You see? But we were circumeventing their little plan by skipping the warrants, and how would they ever know? Without the New York Times' grave treason, al Qaeda would still be ordering Triple Whoppers using credit cards in their own names!!! We even had al Zarqawi in custody and let him go, just in the hopes of apprehending him in a much more humiliating way, like at a Medieval Times matinee with Anna Nicole Smith! NOW THEY WILL KNOW TO BE MORE CAREFUL. They have eluded the skillful trap set by our Iraq masquerade, a trap set with thousands of deaths Iraqi and American alike. F*** you New York Times cobags, how could you?

That's just what G. Dub and Super Evil Spock want you to think- here's the deal- you're thinking, nobody could believe such an outrageous claim as the fact that America's hands are supposedly tied by due-process and civil rights. That just doesn't sound like the claim of a sane or serious person. And that is exactly what Super Evil Spock wants you to think. It's the old double switch, my friends. I predict with every increasingly laughable assertion of illogic and cobaggery, crack American teams of cunning masterminds will be bringing al Qaeda down, one MySpace account at a time.

And we continue...

Friday, December 16, 2005

Uh, Can You Cobags Get Over to Wampum

and nominate Teh (actual quality) or Yosef/THYCWOTI (more coasting on rep) for best commenter in the Koufax awards. For Teh, use this post as evidence. Go here to nominate.

And we continue...


Okay, Me. Ow. Barrachus. You've got your swim gear, and we've got WRN all nice and relaxed. Now's the time for you to swim over there under cover of lunchtime and set up the "weapon"!

Fulsome will never know what hit him!!!


And we continue...

Temporary Truce with WRN

Seems that Fulsome got scared after my attacks yesterday and wants to call a truce of cuteness. Well, maybe I can lull him into believing the truce will be long lasting with these:


How tweet!

Wittle cuties!

What a pwetty wittle photo!

Now he will assume a false sense of security. Then, the sneak attack!

And we continue...

I Kind of am in a Snit

So Twisty just moved from Typepad to Word Press, and she has all this cool crap on her thingy. Should we pick up and move 3B!? Will it be a huge mess, or should we just not do anything and eat candy bars all day?

And we continue...

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Line of the Day


Hersheys has diversified that mother****er. Can we get a report on that PRONTO???
HALFORD is on the case.

And we continue...

Oh Res, We Try to Support You, Not Tear You Down!

As usual, click for larger, still obscure joke.

And we continue...

Shocking News from WRN!!one

We have recently learned that Fulsome and Chuckles have been trying to wage a war on 3B! They even designed uniforms for their attacks. 3B! intelligence has returned this photo of Fulsome in his uniform!:

Look, Fulsome, just because y'all are low on cats, this isn't going to fool anyone into thinking you've got new recruits.

And we continue...

Well Rounded Illiterates

So after trying to get into the blogwars in a satirical manner, it seems that some obscure blog called Well Rounded Nerds has taken my satirical ramblings seriously and think 3B! is lame enough to actually start a blogwar. We were obviously just joking about it, but the Fulsome guy thinks that we were serious. I guess stupid lefties can't be bothered with reading comprehension.

Update: They went so far as to post a ridiculous photo of PP and myself. I guess you know you've made it as a blogger when someone photoshops a lime on your hea... er, puts a photo of cows calling them you up. Someone should put this photo on the side of a soda bottle for us.

And we continue...

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Musical Wallpaper

I had to drive into the city tonight. I listen to the radio. I don't bring a CD, because I like to listen to the radio in the car, even if it sucks as it always does. Occasionally the c*ck rock station will come through with Hell Bent for Leather (Priest) or Sin City (the 'DC) that I can ironically* enjoy while dodging Escalades and Cayennes in the love boat I'm pedaling a la Fred and Barney. I simply cannot abide the supposedly harmless type songs that can be played across multiple formats so you're likely to run across them up and down the dial. For example the intensely mediocre "Feel Good Inc." by Gorillaz. There have been 5 better songs in iTunes ads ALONE, and that might even include the impossibly derivative Jet. There is nothing wrong with the song, but what makes it that it can be heard on three different stations simultaneously? AS I HEARD IT just the other day. Other songs bands in this boring/harmless category: almost any Red Hot Chili Peppers song.

Seriously, nothing says you are phoning it in more. I'm not even ripping the Chilis, I'm ripping the lazy asses that think someone wants to hear that another 700 times a week. And now there is a format that has every single one of those songs from every decade, and it's called "Alice" or "Mike" or "Bob" or some other corporate douchery. What the hell is it called in your city? "Dave?" "Cobwagon?" You know, I can't even blame the corporate programmers that are trying to "make the most people happy". No, they are making the most average and lazy people happy. The people that would listen to the radio NO MATTER WHAT because they are so lazy they would never turn it off. Check out these charts of songs people are playing on their own computers. Given the choice, they're like little rats hitting the cheeze button in the lab for the same old same old.

Of course, jedmunds will crow about how Wonderwall is somehow in the Top 10, and I will respond "Eat it, cobag." With love, of course.

*not ironically.

And we continue...

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

I Have a Confession

So all this talk about "gun cakes" and such and the big controversy at TBOGGs and Politburo Diktat (I can't link because I don't know what I'm linking to, cuz I got banned. Fine, I'll link, you can tell me about it in comments) has led me to an honest moment. One of the reasons I was so culturally insensitive about Frank's cake with a big wiener symbol on it, er, I mean a handgun, is that Geenie C. and myself celebrated OUR wedding with an even gayer cake. I think that is the right word. Troy could have popped out of the gun cake sporting, and it would have been less well, you'll see. I think I was projecting weird feelings having been awakened by the gun cake. See, Geenie Cola and I celebrated our love with a TOP GUN cake.
I'm represented by the majestic A10 Warthog, while Geenie C. is represented by the indeterminate possible F-14 Tomcat. "Flying together forever in Enduring Love formation, blazing through Freedom's skies into life's adventure"

And we continue...

Handy! Clip and Save!

Now making insulting of your sworn enemy even easier it's the handy 3BInsultobox2006! Simply select a word from Column A, combine it with Column B, type, and enjoy! It's that easy!!


















For that elegant variation, which is oh so important in the hipster circles, we are including the randomnizeromatic!

Using the random numbers generated below, select a word from the row corresponding to the first number from Column A followed by a word selected from the row corresponding to the second number from Column B. Follow the random numbers in sequence until you run out (refills extra).


And we continue...

OK, Just About Done With This

I'm a wee bit tired of having to take screen shots of my comments. Also, Chuckles may or not be getting hosed. Who knows?

And we continue...

Damn It, Blog Boy, You Double Posted

That's a case o' Keystone, cobag. Drop and give Troy 50 nice and sweaty pushups.

I hope Jedmunds isn't pissed.
Click for bigger size and no laughs!

And we continue...

The Commissar Doesn't Play Fair

He's editing comments. Nice, he can't even come over here and tease us, he's gotta play dirty birdy.

Caught with his hand in my cookies! Maybe if he reaches around....
UPDATE! Homeslice banned me, let's see if it worked:
I sure hate to generalize, but ancient lefty saying "cobag start what cobag finish lest he be considered cobag."

And we continue...

Uh Oh, The Unceasing River of Bullsh*t Has Jumped It's Banks

Check out TBogg. And read the comments. Then check out this chumpwad.

Longer, more accurate The Commissar: "I will use the analogy of TBogg snarking about some stupid [possibly delicious -ed.] cake as a way to indict The Left for stupidity and suggest therein lies the core of Progressive defects and the delicious cake was merely a diabolical trap to with which to prick stupid lefties. Also, I have a tiny, microscopic wiener and I masturbate to "dueling banjos" [grossssss! -ed.].

Also, The Left† hates gun cake* even more than they hate guns and cake alone. Also, mom and apple pie."

†let's see if this shows up in Norbiz's autopost.

*Uncanny probably loves gun cake.

And we continue...

Monday, December 12, 2005

Q. How Racist is the Implementation of the Death Penalty?

A. More than you can possibly know.

A. So much so that Instapundit is on the side of the good guys here (it's a self-defense issue).

Please read more about the story of Cory Maye. Battlepanda has more on the cross-the-aisle outrage over this case. Looks like property rights and gun rights trump the fact that this poor guy on death row is black for the conservatives outraged by this case. Who would have thunk? Don't eat anything, this case will make you sick. Another reason why civilized coutries do not have the death penalty.

UPDATE- Sorry to be a lazy and ineffective poster. Teh, being thoughtful on this issue.

And we continue...

Imagine a Diet Solely Consisting

of Garden Herb triscuits. That parched mouth feeling? That's is how your mind will feel after reading Austin Bay Blog. The sociopathic android that formulates those posts using nothing but the circuitry of an electronic travel-Uno game and an abacus has got nothing on the frothy incomprehensibility of Michael Berube. I'm not sure where to link, he's at Sadly, No! right now. Looks like Berube is beating back the cottonmouth, for now. Please vote.

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Derring Do on the Internet?

Looks like a fulminating liberal Frenchy Penn St. elitis Prof. has just sacked up and pulled a fast one. Michael Berube, mentioned below, has hack-attacked the Sadlies (nice security Seb- everyone knows the password is Absorbshun). Although Mikey B's OWN blog looks mightily suspicious (i.e. more opaque and non-sensical than usual). So non-sensical in fact, do I detect the sticky yet buttery fingers of Gavin M. on that page?

This is ballsy by Berube. More importantly, I agree with him- third place Bay has to pay and stay in third. Throw some love to Berube in the Weblog Awards. I can't wait to see Gavin's burgundy face and steam-lines whistling out of his ears. TAKE THAT MR. P-38 LIGHTNING COBAG!!!!!!

And we continue...

Sunday, December 11, 2005

When Will This Unceasing River of Bullsh*t Recede

Oh, on an unrelated note:
The evidence of Austin Bay Blog deviltry becomes apparent. I sure hope Michael Berube doesn't find himself in a lake of split-pea soup. Of course, that's better than a befouled ocean of po-mo wango tango. All we know is that Mikey B's fulminating caused David Horowitz's hemorrhoids to permanently impact or some such painful and bile inducing phenomenon. Why don't you cobags give M.B. some love at the Weblog Awards? Drive Braddie R. and the Sadlies back to the bottle by keeping them up late sweating the results of this race. Also, Michael usually has good stuff on Mondays so check him out.

And we continue...

Dedication Week at Song of the Day

We're doing dedication week at Song of the Day. As usual we'll ask you the Dear Reader for input and suggestions, which you will stingily and stingingly withold. If you would like to request or write a longer dedication to anyone real or imagined and have it unveiled on our Three Bulls! sister blog, pick a song and explain why you are dedicating it, submit it to the usual places.



If you'd like to leave it here or there in temporary haloscan ink, drop it where you please! What is today's song????

And we continue...

If This Really Happened

Seriously, if Chris "I'm a complete cobag filled with douche, corn and Mentos (CFWDCAM)" Wallace said what he is quoted as saying here, about his own dad (CBS' Mike Wallace), (without whom do you think he would have his cushy Fox job?) (Answer: No) then I'm gonna really lose the poop reins.

Please Mike W., boot his ass out of the will.

And we continue...

Weblog Awards Reflux

More on the Weblog Awards. We are almost through the candidates. Here we have Iowahawk. A veritable Peanut Buster Poofait. Posts so difficult to crap out, a veritable guarantee of blood in the stool. To emphasize the mutual masturbation of the right side of humor blogs, Iowahawk has an essentially content-free (a mild yuk) post on the PJs and got 27 trackbacks. That is a soaked biscuit. Looks like Ed Driscoll was the last to Trackback, so it's all his to slurp, although he did trackback four times, does that mean he doesn't lose? Probably not, he's in bed with his PJ's on.

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The Neverending Weblog Awards Redux

I really like The Comics Curmudgeon. He is sly, witty, and he works in a very defined niche. Not cashewy at all. Completely lacking in cashews. Well done, curmudgeon! You might want to ask yourself how you got into this nutcrap category!

And we continue...

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Weblog Awards Redux SHOCKER

Achewood. Not lacking in humor or actual personality. Not for everyone's taste. A cartoon with sociopathic animals that appear to be porno extras. Try this recent one. Seriously, we take our hats off. When Achewood inevitably loses, I do at least hope they will drop subtle, indecipherable craps on the flat, flat heads of their competition. Like a glistening brown Dairy Queen curly-q on the bulbous, cashewy brains behind Scrappleface, IMAO and our pals Six Meat Buffet.

And we continue...

Friday, December 09, 2005

Friday Poopin' and Shootin'

Trying the Last-FM again. We programmed the first round with Big Star, power poppers led by Alex Chilton.

1. Brand New Love-Sebadoh
From Smash Your Head Against the Punk Rock, one of their early ones, a very DIY sounding nice little Lou Barlow tune that gets all crazy at the end. Is it really liek this? It sounded sped up then slowed down then thrashy. Maybe it was them 6/10. Not sucky Sebadoh, just not great.

2. A New Kind of Water-This Heat
SUPER FREAKY at the beginning like it's some lost Yoko Ono track. Then it gets more interesting, a little dirgelike with some chanty-spacey vocals. Who the hell are these guys? This is from a live album. 8/10

3. Jenny-American Music Club
Very mellow, Nick Drakey almost, but a little different, but with delicate guitar. I never bought any of their albums. This is pleasant. One little part barely reminds me of the Beatles "Blue Jay Way" but only a snippet of melody. 7/10

4. Instrumental-The Microphonee
The guitar from the last one flows right into this instrumental, but then saloon piano and snaps finish it. Very short but nice. 7/10

5. Portugal Tour-The Fall
Some spoken word stuff over a punky stomp. The Fall can never be characterized. Funny thing, the spoken word stuff sounds like the Streets and it's just some guy reading some of what sounds like a disciplinary hearing regarding the band and the crew. Pretty hilarious. 8/10

Now programmed with Inspiral Carpets! YEAH!

6. Foster's Van-The Boo Radleys
OK, you can hear the shoegaze on this one. This one reminds more of Slowdive and My Bloody Valentine than say, Ride. Spacy, has that trebly feel, not aggressive, more of a soundscape. We love the shoegaze. 8/10

7. Ko-ala Ko-ordination-Zabrinski
Awesome, I just found someone else Kasabian has ripped off. I can't explain this. It's pretty good. These kids are Welsh and this track is bleepy and psychedelic. 7.5/10

8. Rain Whistling-James
The kind of interlude track you might skip on an album, but works well with this mix, partially because it almost feels like an outro of the last track. Feels more spacy than anything I remember from the band responsible for "Sit Down" and "Laid" of course we like the horn bit and yodeling from "Born in Frustration". 7/10

9. Wide to Receive-Morrissey
From Maladjusted. While I love Smiths/Moz, I don't have a lot of his albums, and the ones I gravitate to are the ones that sound either Smiths-ish and this veers away and is down tempo with very understated guitars. Moz goes through the motions. Then what can only be disingenuous flute comes on. 5/10

10. Time of Her Time-Ride
From Going Blank Again, I really should have this CD, somehow I don't. Even though they can get a little old, good old Ride. Somehow I own their last one Tarantula and not this. This song isn't "Twisterella" or "Taste" but it's good. 7/10

Now programmed with Mark Lanegan (formerly of Screaming Trees)

11. Drawing Flies-Soundgarden
People somehow hooked Soundgarden and Pearl Jam into grunge. They were not grunge, they were classic rock. This song actually has great horns on it, and as much as I want to hate Chris Cornell, this song is pretty good, or course as hipsters we must call this a guilty pleasure. 7/10

12. Superfrown-Fatso Jenson
Fatso has some Mountain records, that is most certain. Heavy electric slide guitar with some harmonica. I'm not diggin on the lyrics but I don't think they're the point. A little bit repetitive, but nice and heavy sounding 7/10

13. Fields of Diamonds-Johnny Cash
The man remains a towering figure. 8/10

We'll switch to Megadeth for the last batch to change it up.

14. Path, Vol. 2-Apocalyptica
YEAH, orchestral metal! Metal always wanted to sound like an orchestra so now they take an orchestra and play metal. AWESOME! Skip. 0/10

15. Face in the Sand-Iron Maiden
Wow, newish Iron Maiden from Dance of Death. There are three lead guitarists in this version of Maiden. A building intro, someone is hitting harmonics like crazy and it winds up with the heavy synth backing. Then it really starts to go, Steve Harris is going crazy, driving the song with his bass alone. Then Bruce shows up. His voice is pretty shot. I'm just waiting for the solo(s), so far there haven't been any hooks. Aces High this is not. This song really sounds like an album opener. Kicked in the Face says this is the most boring song on the album. Woops my hand slipped onto the skip button. 5/10

16. Bad Apples-Guns and Roses
These guys are a trashy Sunset Strip bar band, that's it. Basically the Stones filtered through Aerosmith on stanazolol. OK, but the squonky interlude and the tinkly piano kind of just seem really fake. Where are the Exile-era horns? Come on, guys. Slash doesn't seem half-bad. 6/10


17. Bed of Nails-Children of Bodom
I want to say zero on priciple. But it's Death Metal voices over an Alice Cooper sounding track. I need to find out if this is a cover. Ha ha, that's pure gold. It is an Alice Cooper track. 0/10

And we continue...

Chuckles, Back Off

Chuckles, you know we have a language policy. Your antics are not amusing for our more tender readers. How will you feel when you just get ignored? Pretty foolish I would guess.
Chuckles the Clown feels contrite over his bad actions.

And we continue...

Weblog Awards Redux

Six Meat Buffet. Honestly, I voted for them five times for that name alone. I mean, a buffet based on pork, bacon, back ribs, ham, carnitas and sausage, sign Three Bulls! up and we'll declare a holiday. Let's see what my vote got me:

Some minor gay-bashing and a Chappaquidick photoshop gag. CHAP-PA-QUI-DICK. That's Fresh!

Also, we merely alert AG to this. We step back and let the fur fly.

F***, now I know why Yosef called in dead on this job. He probably stabbed himself in the head with his Yoplait spoon. AG, please don't let him get away with that stuff, bring all batteries to bear.

UPDATE: CAPT TROLLYPANTS STEPS in, apparently Six Meat Buffet's casual racism is backed up by deleting of comments, and CT adds: hey, f***wagons, you want to know what p*ssy tastes like? Lick your face, c*ckwads.

Well, that's one person's opinion.

And we continue...

Weblog Awards Redux

The Dilbert Blog. Not funny, but not uninteresting. The man is an artist and we are not being facetious, sometimes it is interesting to see how they tick. He got all up in PZ's grill about Intelligent Design and he got burned, deservedly so. We can't rip this guy, he's already been ripped. He's totally fine. Above a meh, and you know it's fine to see what he has to say.

And we continue...

Weblog Awards Redux

The Hatemonger's Quarterly. Nicely self-deprecating. We like that. They write about what they know. Deprecated stuff. Like the Chinese place round the corner. Their stories feature a "Chip" character that seems quite the scoundrel and may in fact be a nom de plume of the proprieter. Poor Chip, always having misadventures.

I guess having to read this blog was like passing the tiniest kidney stone. Ever so tiny. Maybe you'd feel it a little, but you'd be glad when it was over.

And we continue...

Weblog Awards Redux

Weblog Awards Redux

Scrappleface. Looks like Smokey dog ate some more cashews. He just had hernia surgery so I hope it doesn't pop again when he tries to crap out a miniature nut replica of the Statue of Liberty. Hog on ice remains in the lead.

And we continue...

Now the Student is the Master

It's over for Three Bulls! They want lowest common denominator, and they are getting it and it is g*d dam* funn*. In a cartoon vs. cartoon deeply misogynistic way. I know, I know, merely extrapolating deep stereotypes in an ironic and hilarious way. Stupid Three Bulls! having standards only for the sake of pretending to have standards. It's a narrower, more difficult niche. They're Family Guy, we're King of the Hill. *sigh*

And we continue...

World Exclusive – Must Credit Three Bulls!

Hey kids!!! We’ve just come up with a new feature here at Three Bulls! that we like to call the BLOGJAMTM!! The idea is that we invite the best and brightest of the Three Bulls! contributors and commenters to give their input on the topic at hand. How is this different than any other Three Bulls! post you might ask? Well we’re still ironing out the details on that but STAY TUNED!

Okay, I’m going to get the ball rolling by throwing out the first topic: What should our first BLOGJAMTM topic be?


And we continue...

Thursday, December 08, 2005

My Love for Norbiz

Usually comes from his finely crafted yet rare comments on others' web pages, of course that does not denigrate his superb qualities. He just dropped this line at Chez Norby:

(5) She's As Beautiful As a Foot (Blue Oyster Cult): They are a really, really strange band. This sounds like The Doors if Jim Morrison managed to get his graduate degree in Shitty Poetry. 3/10. I suppose I should explain that. I assume that Jim Morrison was an autodidact when it came to his shitty poetry.
There's a fine line between clever and stupid, and we gaze upon El Norbo from the wrong side of the line. Hats off and all that. Three Bulls! would have like a million of your babies.

UPDATE. What a cobag am I. Post about Le Norb and no linky. Bad Pinko. Bad Pinko. Bad Pinko. Bad Pinko.

And we continue...

Dear Professor Booty

I feel that RETARDO has performed a service directly for you, our resident Corner Connoisseur.

Seriously, Derb chewing his own leg off to get out of the pernicious trap laid for him by his fellow Corner denizens. I almost feel bad for him.

[Three Bulls! Cliff May Notes: conservative munchwad John Derbyshire stands up for legitimate principles concerning the falsity of Intelligent Design and causes him to be dispatched in a day of long knives by his even more unethical munchwagon patrol- so sad- who's the biggest villian here? We vote for Ramesh Ponnaru, although crescent-roll sh**ting doughwad is always a worth vote- that's Jonah Goldberg to you, Dear Readers.]

And we continue...

Weblog Awards Redux

Three Bulls! continues to bust a gut and involuntarily fill our cobag with corn as we wend our way through the Weblog Awards Nominations for Best Humor Blog. I would submit to you Dear Reader, that as bad as Three Bulls! tries to make blogs look, nothing, barring Pajamas Media, makes blogs look as stupid or pedestrian as this list of "humor" blogs. Case in point: if your cartoon's idol of sanity/straight man is John Bolton, and your little article is a "heh, indeed" of LGF, you just plain suck. Cox and Forkum, you are right out. Hog on Ice, you remain in the lead, we are serious. You have made us laugh. You think we're not serious, but we are. Dear Fraulein midget porn remains in lead.

And we continue...

Uh, Channel 104.9 San Jose Alternative

You left Garbage's "#1 Crush" out on the counter. I've heard it twice in two days. I love your ruthless efficiency in programming. Cobags.

And we continue...

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

I'm not here to criticize or praise.

Next we take a look at the Very Unique Hog on Ice.

Steve H. is the proprietor of this site, and once again, I almost got very upset with it right after reading his second post:

Killing the Competition
I Like Me. I REALLY Like Me

Breaking news: Hog on Ice is WAY out in front in the 2005 competition for Best Blog Since the Dawn of Creation! I'm steamrolling the also-rans with a grand total of ONE vote!

In case you forgot to vote earlier, here is the list of nominees again.

1. Hog on Ice

Write-in votes will be deleted with extreme prejudice.

Here's what the critics say about Hog on Ice:

"The greatest invention since the beer bong." -- Steve H., Hog on Ice

"Better than sex. Good sex, not the crappy kind I've always had." -- Steve H., Hog on Ice

"I worship Steve and want to have his babies." -- Steve H., Hog on Ice

God, this is exciting. I've never won anything before. Except those times when I fooled carnival weight-guessers by taking helium through an enema nozzle.

Yeah, pretty bad, right? But I think sometimes we should all take a look within, and realize that a certain member of 3B! might at some point in time write a post about how 3B! is the best blog ever, and give some idiotic, mostly made up reasons why. I'm not going to name names here, and it will probably never happen, but it's always a possibility.

So I decided to read on in a more objective manner. And then it struck me. Like a diamond. Like a diamond bullet right in my forehead. If 3B! was a lame enough to get nominated for an award for Best Humor/Comics Blog, and if 3B! were more right leaning, we would be Hog on Ice.

This guy is a scam-baiter and a spam-baiter, and, frankly, there are few higher callings in this world. Steve H. even has a name that would make one suspect that he is possibly an alter ego of a 3Bull! (H = Samsa? THYCWOTI reports, you decide.)

Anyway, I'm going to have to break my pissed-offness and say that this blog deserves attention - or else it would deserve attention had it not been nominated for the dumbest awards this side of the others we won't get nominated for.

So Steve H. here's to you for being funnier than Day by Day and Beautiful Atrocities. Don't let anyone say that's not an accomplishment.

Oh wait, it's not an accomplishment. My pinky toe is funnier than those 2 site. Anyway, it's not bad. Needs the number 3 in the name somewhere though.

UPDATE: Forgot to mention - he makes fun of PJ Media. He's alright in my book.

And we continue...

I'm Not Here to Criticize, But to Praise!

I just want to say when humor is like Fido trying to crap after eating a 3lb bag of cashews, while it might be good for a laugh, there is something how shall we say, forced about the whole sitch. Clearly, this is not the case about Beautiful Atrocities. Led by the delightfully inscouciant Jeff. No, not Jeff Goldstein of competitor Protein Wisdom, silly bear. Anyhoo, nothing could be farther OR further from a poor constipated pup trying to poop marbles than this.

First off, we have an amusing discourse about famous ladies named Jen, complete with measurements, of course they're all bimbos, I mean they are ladies named Jen, aren't they? A hysterical thesis, delivered with witty ripaste. To the bone, cutting, slicing, dicing. The Iron Chef of humor. I think it is clearly obvious who the frontrunner in this competition should be, notwithstanding the oh so dry Day by Day, apparently not to Yosef's proletarian tastes. Those of us with a more decadent palate, of course savor such sophisticated offerings as a Cindy Sheehan/Ron Jeremy WWE wrestling team. It is a testament to Jeff's feverish humor mill that he can continually find purchase for his seeds of funny in such overfarmed material such as Streisand and Sheehan. The ridiculousness for ridiculousness' sake is truly vector directed, straight at my funny bone.
We raise a glass of nicely chilled Riunite to Beautiful Atrocities! Salud, cobag, we invite you to eat with this happy toast!

And we continue...

Flair Slams Weblog Awards!

Nature Boy followed with a face drop.

AP-Charlotte In a stunning turn of events, embattled Former Pro-wrestling man, myth, and legend Ric "Flair" Flehr has joined in support of 3Bulls in the War Against Weblog Awards. Despite allegedly beating a motorist during a fit of road rage in Charlotte, going through a bitter divorce, owing the IRS a ton of money, and having his mugshot pasted on TSG, Flair is starting another match.

Okay, I didn't really have anything to this post. I just wanted to put up Flair's mugshot. This post is still about a billion times better than anything in Day by Day, one of the nominees for Best Humor Blog. That bubblicious comic strip makes Mary Worth seem like a daily must read. Hell, I would probably piss my pants reading Rose is Rose if I read Day by Day first.

They say on the blog (it might be someone else's quote) that Day by Day is like a cross between Bloom County and Dilbert. And it's true! Take all the stupidest, least funny bubbles from Bloom County and Dilbert and learn how to draw badly, then throw it all together and you get something only slightly better than Day by Day. If that is one of the reviews quoted on the blog, then it's from John Cole. That guy wouldn't know funny if it jumped up and clubbed a seal on his face.

Seriously, Best Humor/Comic Blog. I would assume these would actually be funny. Sure there are some that are funny, but only one or two.

Then again, maybe the Weblog Awards are being ironical and they humor is in the fact that none of the nominees for Best Humor Blog are funny. Kind of like Jay Leno - a comedian who isn't funny!

So the current strip up on Day by Day is less than not funny. It says something about the LA Times is firing some of its editorial board and now wants them to not be fired. They have 2 people discussing how they are there to serve the people.

OMG That's frickin' hilari... forget it. I'm not even going to attempt sarcasm. This shit just isn't funny. But worse, it doesn't make sense. I almost decided not to criticize it because it was so plain D-U-M dum that there was no point. But the more I think about it the more upset it makes me.

Next year's nominees will include Cathy's blog. Guess what - she bought shoes and had a bad date! HAHAHAHA ROTFLMEOW!!!11!one!!23#@!!

And we continue...

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


I have just been exposed to electro-reticent wandering-eye slacker neo-romantic funk. Scottish at that. Imagine a cross between Spandau Ballet and leg-warmer era Ministry. True+Work For Love. With Duran Duran saxophone.

And there were times I’d take my pen
And feel obliged to start again
I do profess that there are things in life
That one can’t quite express
You know me I’m acting dumb-dumb
You know the scene it’s very humdrum
And my favourite song’s entitled “Boredom”

I didn't know it, and I hate myself for it. More tomorrow at Song of the Day.

UPDATE: Actually discussed here in more detail.

And we continue...

Aw Yosef, Say it Ain't So!

There's no way this could be true is there? Yosef is Field Marshall Asshat?!?!?!?! NO!!!!!!!!!

And we continue...

OK, Toolbars and Assorted Puddle Jumpers

We are taking nominations for the WEBLOG AWARDS. These will be voted upon by our select committee. The categories are secret, and the contest designed to recognize excellence* in certain aspects of bloggery and cobloggery. These awards are not run by chumpwagons where the voting will solely be determined by a site's traffic, nor by whether the douchey blog is listed at some cobwad dunderclumps "What Does a Bear Do in The Woods" blog blog. Nominations can be sent to 3bulls at gmail dot com. You are allowed to vote for commenters at large blogs, i.e. Atlas Shrugs at LGF but NOT Atlas Shrugs at Atlas Shrugs (too much traffic).

We will also be examining nominees for Best Humorous Blog in from the other Weblog Awards, wherein Three Bulls! got shafted.

Winners will receive:
Remember, nominations at 3bulls at gmail dot com and remember to include a category.

And we continue...

It's a Traveshamockery!*

So via Sadly, Light Colored Format we see that there is something called the Weblog Awards. Guess who's not been nominated in any category, even Best Law Blog? 3B!, that's who! (oh yeah, and none of our friend-blogs that we link to on the right so you should check them out blah blah blah blahbitty blah blah blah.) S,N! got nominated, so why not 3B!? We're obviously more worthy of a nomination. Need proof? Check it:

FACT: 3B! is staffed by world class scientists who are smart 'n' stuff. We even take time out of busy schedules of drawing diagrams of the cellular structure on differential equations while shooting X-RAYS at crystals in the Puget Sound while blindfolded in order to post informative and important posts about our changing world and real solutions to how to fix what ails it.

FACT: 3B! is the only place on all of the internets where you can get news about the biggest names in entertainment such as Pat Sajak, Ric Flair, Oscar Bluth, and MomH; about the daring adventures of PupH, Kitty Kattwood, and the mice, rats and ants who play such an important role in our lives; about Arrested Development; and about the TRUTH behind the fact that there are only 3 people on all of the internets!

FACT: 3B! is the only site on all of the internets that has links to Delicious or Disgusting and SotD!

FACT: 3B! is the only place on the internets where you can get your fill of MGT (even if it is on hiatus!)

FACT: 3B! has the best commenters on the internets. It also has res as a commenter!

FACT: 3B! is the only site on the internets willing to engage in meaningful discourse with commenters who obviously view things from the other end of the spectrum, such as Capt. Trollypants, F.M. Asshat, Sgt. Drollpanties, and the esteemable Maj. Shortsniffer!

FACT: 3B! is as serious as a heart attack! All posts here are only on subjects that matter. Nothing is a throwaway or non-topical or done for the sake of doing it!

FACT: 3B! thorws the bitchin'est parties, yet is kind enough to watch its language!

It is with this evidence that I humbly propose that all Weblog contests be hereby eradicated as we can clearly see that 3Bulls! is the best blog ever conceived by mankind. Either that or we can start our own awards and not include any of the other mean people who won't nominate us for anything.

*Line from the best beer commercial ever.

And we continue...

So These Cats Do Mean and Funny and Offensive. What's Their Secret???

So via some sort of relationship to the awesome horse-haters blog, we got a commenteroni from this individual, who also has this blog. So mean, so funny. You know we try to be nice at Three Bulls! but we also recognize when other people make completely offensive and demented efforts. "Hi, I am a completely insane yet highly-functioning autistic graphic designer type, and this is my amazing looking blog that would disturb large swaths of American Public, especially Geenie C. and other sensitive flowers. Adorable Girlfriend will love me. No munchwagons, please. Also, I am like Maddox with computer skills" No seriously, I don't think you want to click on this, it's really quite offensive. I'm telling you not to click. Don't do it. We don't endorse this humor, we merely marvel at the effort. Seriously, some stuff is hilarious, but some stuff is indefensible. You clicked, didn't you?

And we continue...

Arrested Development Gag Challenge!

This thread is solely for your fave Arrested Development gag. You have only one line per post to describe the gag. This is not an "in crowd" thing if you haven't seen it, it's just going to whet your appetite to actually see it. We will save this thread for posterity. I urge lurkers to post. We are shooting for 150 comments here. Spread the word. I will start us off. Jedmunds dissects the latest ep here, although I think he and I will laugh harder the second time through.

UPDATE- 69 cobagarolleroos!

DOUBLE UPDATE- keep going kidz!

TRIPLE UPDATE- not as lame as last week, but not funny so much either. Still a marginal improvement. List your comment number, halocrap doesn't like to keep tabs after awhile, as soon as it goes to archive, the number goes wah wah.

Quadruple Update!!!111!!!- It's getting hilarious again!!! Start putting your comments on, remember to give comment number cuz Haloscan doesn't remember. I hate Rita but I love moles!

Oh, don't think you're still not so grounded. I expected apologies to ponies, Little Smokey, MomH, The Editors, and essentially all sundry and assorted life forms, and it's not looking good. Judge Judy is going to get sloppy on y'all.

Even more update for yous losers.

And we continue...

Blogger Screwed Up All MY Special Plans

For today's updates. And due to a situation I did not watch Arrested Development last night. Thanks Blogger cobag. Is it even worth kicking the AD thread up here?

And we continue...

Monday, December 05, 2005


Our spies report that the Uncanny Canadian's music library contains this:

We ask the question on everyone's mind: "ADORABLE GIRLFRIEND?
Say it ain't so, Uncanny. Also, what the most embarrassing thing in your collection? I'll go first, alhtough I KNOW Res Publica (the evil one) has to have it too. The Little Mermaid soundtrack

And we continue...

Sunday, December 04, 2005


Do you ever stop to think that all the characters that populate this little family of websites may be just you and I? Our own private little version of The Truman Show?

And we continue...

Friday, December 02, 2005

Do You Ever Get a Bee in Your Bonnet?

...and think the internet can help you find something that you remember snippets of, like a band or a song, but really have no way of knowing how to figure it out? I randomly remembered a band earlier in the week, from maybe 1990, 1991 form the UK. Knew they had two songs that got played on the radio. Remembered the band as sub-Chapterhouse baggy/shoegaze. Remembered what the CD singles looked like. That's it. Knew the band name was one word. Knew I liked the second single better than the first. It was bugging the crap out of me the other day. It is like a memory test, trying to hang onto all these disparate factoids and feeling your age, feeling things slip. Last-FM just played that band's second single. UNBELIEVABLE. The band was...any guesses? Look around commenters' nics. Name the song. I think pop ren and Seitz have a chance.

Also, this other thing: anyone remember a Xevious/1942- like shoot 'em up scrolling video game in space? That was bugging me like crazy. I only played that game once.

And we continue...

Friday Pooper Shooter

Today's pooper shoot is testing out Last-FM. This is internet radio that learns what you like in two ways. They have a vast database of listener information and you program your personal station by telling them a band or bands that you like, and using listener data for other people that like and listen to those bands they program your station. They also utilize a plug in that can hook up to your media player, meaning anything you play on your computer they can use to fine tune preferences, and they use this to become more sophisticated in making links between bands, influences and styles.

We're throwing them some curve balls. We're only programming with a single band at a time. First program key: Billy Squier! YEAH!

1. The Whole in My Wall-Warrant
Need to check on that spelling, but from Dog Eat Dog. Squonkier, and crunchier than you might remember, Warrant was from the Bon Jovi wave of hair bands, less glammy (Poison-esque), very slick of course. Terrible as well, but I always respected the slickness of Warrant. 2/10

2. Well Spent-LA Guns
I never really could figure out the whole LA Guns business. G 'n R came from LA Guns and Hollywood Rose, so why does LA Guns still exist? Dirtier and less poppy this one, definitely not Unskinny Bop. I could actually imagine this being played in a bar. Also has the break down in the middle where it gets all quiet and noodly. Not quite terrible, shockingly. Listening this you can almost hear some Jane's Addiction in it. 4/10

3. Don't Say You Love Me-Billy Squier
The man, the myth. I don't care what anyone thinks. This guys sh*ts out hits. 10/10 (actually this is not my fave BS song)

4. Don't Tread-Damn Yankees
You know the Nuge is a Damn Yankee. This sounds like it has Nuge Spooge all over it, just the lyrics, it's not really all that Wango Tango. In fact, I'm going to fast forward, because if I had to listen to all of this, it would be cyanide capsule time. 2/10

5. Love is a Battlefield-Pat Benatar
Clearly, the programmers were able to divine the inner diva within Billy Squier and discerning listerners also linked the two. WE ARE YOUNG!! 6/10

We'll give them an A for that, keeping in mind all these connections are based on other listener data.

Next keyword: Curve (early 90's dance-gaze from the UK- we've been discussing them at Song of the Day).

6. Asteroid-Killing Joke
HEAVY does this start. When Flood or Jaz or whoever lets go with the "As-ter-oid!!!!!" at the beginning over the grinding and then some hard to understand stuff, then "VAPORIZE" and then "ASTEROID" wow. IN-DUS-STRIAL. 6/10

7. Can't Shape Up-The Wonder Stuff
So they throw us a loop, this shows how the music is linked via listener's libraries. Someone has some early 90's UK music. This is no "Size of a Cow". 4/10

8. Menofearthereaper (The Concrete No Fee No Fear Mix) -Pop Will Eat Itself
Proto-big beat? How would you characterize PWEI? I can't remember. Electro-guitar dance floor stuff. Shamen-esque? Not that heavy on the bass side. 6/10 for nostalgia sake. Oh, Kasabian must have ripped these guys off too.

9. Great Things-Echobelly
AHA! A mix of Banarama-esque vocals, Smiths and Echo (Bunnymen) guitars with more swirl. Echobelly were NME huge for maybe a week or so, and I think their guitarist payed in Curve a little bit. This is off their debut On, I have someone's copy (borrowed, oops). Her delivery is a little mannered, but the production is nice and clean. You might know "King of the Kerb", my fave off this album is "Dark Therapy" (more later, I'm gonna dedicate it to some people for dedication week). 7/10

10. Flowers in Our Hair-All About Eve
The first band tonight I have never heard of. Some slightly darkish female vocals. Sounds like a cross between Concrete Blonde and someone else, with not really almost Siouxsie guitar. Doesn't suck, but I think I know why I've never heard of them. 4/10

11. Tiptoe-Goldfrapp
Nice connection. Alison Goldfrapp is a dance floor diva (ask teh l4m3) and Toni Halladay from Curve had that same allure, even if the styles are disparate. Goldfrapp hits much higher highs than this though. 6/10

Now we switch to indie faves, the harmlessly psycho campfire folksters Animal Collective.

12. Me and the Bean-Spoon
Austin sons Spoon. I like Spoon, but I feel like this song isn't doing it for me. They've done better. I can only describe this as non-descript. 6/10

13. Lyla-CocoRosie
A delicate song, with a More mature sounding Joanna Newsom-like voice and backing vocal, soft piano. Joanna Newsom is the neo-folkie (amazing) that Gina thinks sounds like a strangled cat, others thinks she sounds 8 years old. The lead here has some attributes but not nearly as extreme. No, Jedmunds, this isn't the crappy Oasis song. This one might make you cry just the same, only they will be tears of sadness/joy, not pain. 8/10

14. Visiting-Animal Collective
Some drony strumming that washes and swells between ears with some whispering and sampling. This is from the last album, Sung Tongs. Lazer Animal Collective would actually be awesome. This is more of a sound collage than a song, but for some reason I really like them. Their new CD. Feels, is much more accessible although it trends toward Arcade Fire happy chant territory, which is not a bad thing, it's just that there will be a backlash soon, and for no reason. 8/10

15. Fennesz-Good Man
I've hear of these guys, but never heard them. A fuzzy soundscape. Fits in nicely with the last track. Is this some sore of ambient business (some dripping water and some odd sounds here and there, then some keyboards and some floaty sounds). 7/10

I have to give this Last-FM a pretty big A, I think they've got the chops. You don't have to get the media player plug in and they do have some subscriber features that look interesting, but for now it is free.

And we continue...

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Just a Little Note

Three B's is looking to refresh our Shoppe. We would like to ask Gregor for permission to undertake a Kitty Kattwood Tee, and also ask you, Dear Readers, for any requests for merch that no one will buy. They're still fun to look at. We also want to congratulate G.S. for relating to us the fine, fine work of K.K. below. I personally consider it a high point of Three Bulls!s' brief, flickering life. That and our one comment from Norbiz. And the one from Twisty Faster. Next week will be dedication week at Song of the Day, we will honor our internet heroes and our real world cobags with some dedications. Put your thinkin' caps on and we'll get down to business.

And we continue...