Saturday, August 06, 2005

Saturday Night Clubbing

Cross posted at Republic of Dogs.

Three Bulls! do not get out to the club much, partially because we like more straight ahead music, you know songs, we can handle the clubby stuff, but usually the good bits are scattered within 10 minute monstrosities. We like the 2 Many DJs/Soulwax approach, which is mash-ups and mixing for shorter attention spans, which leaves the good bits shorter, but you won't get stranded in some f*cking hook wasteland, efforting the hell out of yourself trying not to look bored to death so you can keep the faux sense of coolness about your person, while trying to act like you are not staring at the particular boy/girl shaking their junk/trunk.

We present our square list of songs that we love at the club, plus a couple that we would love but have not actually heard at the club yet. This list may appeal to oldsters with a more 80s/Goth/Industrial/Brit lean.

1. Wrote for Luck-Happy Mondays
6 minutes of hypnotic jangly riff sawing its way through your memory as you can just tune out, Shaun Ryder covers it with his drunken poor-teeth hollering. Different from their later club-a-riffic "Kinky Afro", "Step On" and "Bob's Yer Uncle" trifecta from Pills, Thrills and Bellyaches. File under Madchester, Baggy.

2. Sex on Wheels-My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult
Film-noir-Camp Industrial, but fun for the club, perfect for the Drag Queens to sing "Do my kisses burn?/Do they take your breath?/You gotta lesson to learn/It's the kiss of death! SEX ON WHEELS!"

3. Headhunter-Front 242
Helicopter-blade Belgian industrial probably about the slave trade perfectly diffused by the boy on the platform singing to all the pretty boys with his interpretive dance about "setting the line, spreading the net, catching the man" etc. etc.

4. Money/Naive-KMFDM
The first is a patriarchy deflating mockery of the working man's daily toil, by US-German industrial collective. Preceeded and interspersed with a sythesized Wagnerian monster operatic club killer riff that gives the laughable proceedings a perfect pseudo gravitas for feeling good and pretending to look better doing it. The second, five minutes of beat, funky-for-Germans bass, muttered industrial commands, and punctuated by divine female backup singer hooks about "that's the way of the world/what'you waiting for/she has to be loved/everybody needs somebody" then a guitar riff that sounds like it was piped in from important symbolic rock-God world. All while you get your swerve on. The Germaness keeps you in your pseudo serious "I'm cool" pose, so you don't get shunned by the club gods and goddesses that are working it on their islands of fabulousness, while you are swimming in the sea of people, hoping to gain their favor. Honotable mention for "Juke Joint Jezebel", which doesn't quite give you the perfect dance platform before you are blown away by the chorus.

5. Testure-Skinny Puppy
Hypnotically eerie keyboard intro that carries into the song before the bassy blips start worming their way into your soul. Yeah, the song is about animal testing from these Canadian industrial pioneers, but its hard to notice that as you sweat through your PETA-unfriendly hair gel, and look fab doing it.

6. Kittens-Underworld
Might work better for the partaking crowd, but 4 or so minutes of straight drumming, with maybe sword noises, before you notice that the beat is actually pretty complex, and then the organ-y synth comes in and builds into something like Middle Eastern churchy music that friggin kills. Honorable mention also for Underworld's Cowgirl/Rez live mix from Everything, Everything. Some might know Cowgirl from the Hackers soundtrack with then unknown Angelina Jolie. Rez is an instrumental B-side that completely hypnotizes and can be seemlessly fit into the middle of Cowgirl.

7. Dominion/Mother Russia-Sisters of Mercy.
I don't know how cool a Goth track can be that has saxophone straight out of Tina Turner's "One of the Living" from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (I think a drag queen could kill with that one), but this song comes close as Andrew Eldritch spits out stuff about Russia/Red Square whatever in his creepy bass/baritone. This song was totally killing at Homesick night at the now defunct Industry in Pontiac, Michigan, when some girl decided to partake in this other girl's meow mix, RIGHT THERE ON THE CLUB FLOOR, up against the railing of the stage. I of course, just looked away, as I could not break my Capt. Dancypants persona.

8. Fine Time-New Order
Less well known than their giant sorority girl crowd pleasers, this song acts all suave, saying "you're much too young, to mess around with me" in that cigarette pack warning label way- "yeah, you're too young, but we're gonna do it anyway" is what the song says, because "you got style, you got class, but most of all, you got a lot of technique" as the lazerbeams hit and the pretty boys and girls vogue.

9. I Think I'm In Love-Spiritualized (Chemical Brothers Remix)
J. Spaceman's a-holish ode to heroin is reimagined as a dance floor big beat planetarium laser show odyssey. Not so much for the floor all the way through, but for chilling in the "VIP" section of the club sipping on 100 dollar a bottle champagne on (someone else's dime, natch) waiting for the right breaks to kick it into gear waiting for the Doctor Who sounding bits.

10. Fools Gold- The Stone Roses
Like the soundtrack to some dipshit Leo DiCaprio boy/girl cheesecake fest camping trip in the tropics that goes horribly, horribly wrong (I guess this is how I imagined The Beach, screw the Moby). "The pack on my back is aching/the straps seem to cut me right in half" as you shake your skinny ass down the trail to hell and don't even know it for 10 minutes of straight temptation, you won't remember when you actually sold your soul, or signed anything.

11. Are Friends Electric?-Gary Numan
Poor android in disguise Gary Numan thinks he's human, wonders if it is Ok that his friends are appliances, not realizing his own circuitroid nature. You are filled with the desrire to drunkenly do the robot to this one, but what would be more awesome for a video here is some country music line-dancers at a cowboy/girl bar all of a sudden doing the robot when this comes on before you realize that they are all robots when one of dancers' eyes pops out dangling from a wire and glowing a dull orange behind the braincase motherboard. Now that would be f*cking awesome.

12. We Don't Give a Damn About Our Friends-Girls On Top
The decidedly superior mashup remix of Adina Howard's "Freak Like Me" and the above song that the Richard X produced Sugababes bland redo. The original "Freak Like Me" was a patriarchy uplifiting ode from a freaky girl with freaky secrets that likes to do you night and day, the only tests you'd have to pass would be presumably paying for the date (explicitly mentioned), having a huge c*ck (implied), and being able to keep it on, going strong (as it were) (DEMANDED). However, Ms. Howard placed over our sad android fare suggests a nice robot counterpoint. Everyone is a robot, but they just don't know it, acting out their parts for our robot overlords. This song becomes an unstoppable force. You must bow down to it.

What's your song for the club? You have one, and put it in the comments- be theresville or be squaresville!