Thursday, June 30, 2005

A special Canada Day Musical Audit of Non-Canadian Music

1. Wouldn't It Be Nice - Beach Boys
This is one of those perfect pop songs. It kind of depresses me, though. Brian Wilson laments about the suckitude of being young and having no privacy and curfews and everything. Well, what if you have everything Brian pined for and it weren't nice? I'm not merry and therefore not happy. Fuck you and your desire to embitter my life! 10/10

2. Black and White Town - Doves
Pretty poppy stuff from Doves. Interestingly enough, one of the more Beach Boys-influenced Doves songs. Good drum beat and fuzzy bass. The video is just this weird collection of photography of the mundane. The talking part in the middle doesn't really work, but the chorus has kick ass hooks. And though I dont' understand the lyrics, I think it's some depressing statement about modern life in modern cities, and therefore an upbeat sounding bummer, which I like. A pretty worthy single from Some Cities. 8.5/10

3. 2 Rights Make 1 Wrong - Mogwai
I don't really know Mogwai, but if this is what Mogwai normally sounds like, they would be my favourite band in the world. This is a near-perfect song and validates the short-lived experiment that was post-rock. The simple guitar motif is introduced at the beginning and serves as a perfect scaffold for other instruments and melodies to come in and out endlessly through the 9:31 duration. The highlight is the contrapuntal synthy horn that announces a triumphant statement. Later in the song, it fades into an electronicy vocal discussion. The only purpose of this apparently is to make me miss the earlier part of the song, which is what makes me relisten to the song time and time again. 10/10

4. Heroes and Villains Part II - Beach Boys (bootleg)
It's always strange listening to a brilliant song that never actually existed. In the final incarnation of SMiLE, this song is reduced to an afterthought of Our Prayer called Gee. It's one of the more psychedelic songs on the original SMiLE, with the Beach Boys indulging in voice play including a comment about 'Swedish Meatballs'. The bootleg snips some disparate material together to make the track sound cohesive, but it clearly was not a finished song. It is a nice conclusion to the Heroes and Villains epic. 8.5/10

5. 1st Instant / Last Report - Earlimart
A good driving song with a sadness of yearning lingering about it. If you only heard this song as a protoype of all Earlimart, you would be convinced that their mission in life is to please Grandaddy. Nice Elephant Six-y la la la near the end. 8/10

6. In The Sun - Blake Hazard
This is a lovely hazy song. Blake Hazard nicely shows off her singing chops and guitar skills. The beautiful music is only ruined by her whiny lyrics about how she is going to be loved. This song probably proves that she and her producer listen to a lot of Aimee Mann and Mazzy Star. 7.5/10

7. Blazing Arrow - Blackalicious
This song made absolutely zero sense to me until I listened to . The rapping is inspired, funny, and alliterative. If every hip hop song were this good, I would give up on rock. 9/10

8. Fun Loving Nun - Of Montreal
This is a most theatrical absurd song. Musically, it combines organ and kiddie choruses in a most interesting way. But the psychedelia is more similar to Dukes of Stratosphear than true 60s innovation. It's a short song, and that makes it bearable enough in the end. 7.5/10

9. A New Day - Olivia Tremor Control (live performance)
I think Bill Doss must have written this as a precursor to his music with A Sunshine Fix. The psychedelia here is forced and doesn't sound great in the recording. When OTC chooses to actually sing a chorus rather that make monkey sounds, it really isn't a bad song hidden in there, but why suffer through the rest? I give this my lowest score. 6/10

10. Wonderful (backing track) - Beach Boys (bootleg)
I belive Brain Wilson plays the harpsichord here in the most haunting melody from the old SMiLE sessions. The instruments are fragile and expressive. The best part is the vocal interplays in the background that are so well revealed without the main melodic singing line. Perhaps the finest yodeling the Beach Boys ever did. A small editing artefact of the bootleg takes you out of the song for just a brief second, but coming out of the trance is harsh. It is the only imperfection. 9.9/10

And we continue...

Pinko Punkos Friday Musical Audit

Since this is almost beneath our hero Norbiz, we'll throw something up to be shamed before the world.

1. If You Don't Cry- The Magnetic Fields.
One of the non Stephen Merrit sung ones (8/10).

2. Don't Tell Me (12" Remix)- Blancmange.
Don't tell me how much this dates me. Like something that should be on the soundtrack to Morgan Stewart's Coming Home but surprisingly isn't (2/10).

3. The Crystal Lake- Grandaddy.
Modesto's finest (7/10).

4. In A Different Place- Ride.
Not my favorite from this album. The definition of (4/10).

5. Heart in the Hand of the Mat- And You Will Know Us...
This album is a eensy bit trebly for me, the ol' Sonic Youth sheen, but still good (6/10).

6. Fire in the Hole- Tragically Hip.
Part of what makes the Uncanny Canadian uncanny is that he doesn't like Tragically Hip. This one doesn't hold up so much either. (3/10).

7. The Curdled Journey- The Sadies.
Often found to be backing the delectable Neko Case, these guys are pretty good (7/10).

8. Dirt- Death in Vegas.
Starts with a sample from the whole "It's a free concert from now on" speech from Woodstock and goes into the F-U-C-K chant from Country Joe, and then proceeds to make it sound like Woodstock the mud covered orgy that it probably was (10/10).

9. I Love My Car- Belle and Sebastian.
Too precious even for my perniciously twee liberal heart (4/10).

10. Talkin' Bout You- The Animals.
Thing about the white boy rock/blues thing is that even Eric Burdon sometimes makes me think the Blues Brothers are playing the song, or at least on this one (4/10).

And we continue...

My Demonic Overlord...Orders Me To Respond To Your Concerns, Free Republic Douchebags!

The controller of all things seen and unseen, the bete noir of freedom, goodness and kittens, both good and evil(!).

I am commanded to respond to your concerns by- avert your eyes, lest her deadly gaze fall upon your countenance- by my Overlord, who I may not name, but whose small, weakened, harmless frame trembles with the insane power of the 7th Realm of the Hideous Snakes-

Boudicca says:
Why stop with Souter's home? Where does Ginsburg live? And the others?
Well, Boudi Boo, like we just said, RBG hails from the 7th Realm of the Hideous Snakes, so unfortunately she is beyond your vengeance. Poor Justice Stevens, I'm sure he'll have to take the blow directed towards my overlord and master. Boudi Boo is upset about Kelo vs. New London, a recent SCOTUS decision. Boudicca righteously advocates that Supreme Court Justices should have to suffer ironically for their decisions. No feeding tube for Sciavo? NO FEEDING TUBE FOR REHNQUIST! Very Solomonic wisdom from Double B, if I may paraphrase for this eloquent defender of liberty "this decision is evil, therefore this decision must be implemented immediately to also harm Supreme Court Justices! Evil will be implemented for good! The tools of the Beastmaster will be used to her own end." But I digress.

Henderson Field asks:
Ruth Ginsburg.
Is she an American?
Which chainsaw answers:
I think so, but she much have Alzheimer's disease.

Gentlemen, if I may intercede in this trainwreck. RBG is in fact an American, but illegally so. As I have mentioned, she hails from the 7th Realm of Hideous Snakes, and to address chainsaw, she does not much have Alzheimer's, she much have dominion of your ever-loving ass. Beware lest she smite your douchey brow for your insolence.

mlc9852 quotes his humorous brethren:
"You know that saying "the law is an ass?" Ginsberg gives it new meaning."

LOL - you are so right.
This puts me in a difficult position. The clenched teeth "LOL" of a basement ensconced, cheeto dust-huffing Freeper Douche is awkward to address. RBG does, however, give new meaning to "the law is an ass" as the ass of the law is fully pwn3d by her, and is also her bitch. As is your ass, mlc9582.

Continuing the ass theme, noted sophist csmusaret exclaims:
Speaking of ass- If I had a dog that ugly I'd shave his ass and make him walk backwards.
This powerful oration is generally overwhelming to the 3rd grade addresee, followed by devastating kidney blows of Beavis-y "Heh hehs" or in the online realm, the haymaker "LOL!!!!!!" However, in this case, the addressee is RBG, and as holder of the Power of the 7th Realm of Hideous Snakes, she says "suck it, bitch!"

Finally, PISANO ejaculates:
The GOP should have filabustered this silly leftist moron as well as her male counterpart Beyer.

Where was the filabuster when WE needed it?

Dear PISANO, while the filabuster is devastating against this:

and this:

and associated apparel, the filabuster sadly has no power against this:


And we continue...

Putin, to prospective bribers: "Got Bling?"

That's what I'm talking about. Bob "Ring Bling" Kraft doing it old school with Vladi P. This is the currency of the New Order.

Vladi P sends out a bold warning to all the haters:
" Watch out for the medallion, my diamonds are wreckless Feels like a MIDGET is hanging from my necklace"

And we continue...

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

An occasional series- Jr. High Logic

So I’m walking down the street and The Nutter Butter is coming the other way. At first I think he’s walking his dog in an odd fashion, but then I notice that it’s not a dog, it’s actually a goat. And he’s not walking it, he’s *ucking it. He is actually copulating with a live goat, who doesn’t seem to be consenting. In front of the world and Your G*d and all the angels, even the evil ones. Shocked to my very core, with my eyes burning, until I am physically blinded, I fall to the ground. I hear laughter mixed with the indescribable sound of a goat having something indescribable done to it. I grope and grasp with my throat choked with dust.
I call out to The Nutter Butter:

“You goat *ucker!”

Nutter Butter: “Ad hominem.”

I collapse, defeated by his deadly and deafening retort. He is the master and I am but his slave.

*Update* (from comments)

1. A->B
2. B & C
3. C
3. A & C

take that bitches. its true too.

if there are guys sitting around with college degrees then they are probably sitting around with too much time on their hands. they are sitting around with too much time and they are probably weenies. they are definitely weenies. therefore, if you are taking the time to read this you are probably a weenie.

And we continue...

Nutboy checking in

This is The Nutter Butter checking in. For the moment, I'm going to leave the blogging activity to Pinko Punko, who will undoubtedly show you how little a Harvard PhD really means. Carry on, Froggie!

And we continue...


Tuesday, June 28, 2005

How's this science for ya, science haters?

Look at the glowing science all up in your grill. This little guy is practically dripping with juicy stem cells.

And we continue...

Whose Team Gets All The Bands?

Let's start this bad boy with an informal poll- RR and Nutter Butter, what bands would you consider examples of your respective philosophies? Obviously the Liberals get all the good bands and probably a lot of the bad ones- I will attempt to rebut all of your examples.

Let me start off with my take on how Nutter Butt will attack:

Nutter Butt: "Well, we get Lynyrd Skynyrd"

Pinko Punko: "Not so fast my Fox-news loving friend. 'Mr. Saturday Night Special'- a pro-gun control ditty if I have ever heard one. Might as well be sung by Cat Stevens or Jackson Browne."

Random Randroid: "Would that be the Islamofascist Cat Stevens and the spouse abusing JB?"

Pinko Punko: "Touche, douchebag, touche."

Oh, if the frothiest of anal frothers, Rick Santorum says liberal Boston gets the props for priestly pedophilia, then we get all the cool bands too. Pixies, Galaxie 500, Mission of Burma, Cars, Standells, Throwing Muses. And none of the crappy ones. Cars. Boston. NKOTB. Any Boston bands missing? You can name the crap ones too. I don't know if Moby is from Boston, but he is an effing liberal albatross around the Pinko Punko's neck.


From our comments:
Pinko Punko said...

Clearly the most elitist liberal band in the whole universe is Steely Dan. They are so elite even their session players don't get it. Some people have an aversion to them like fingernails on a blackboard, and that is just family. Yet even Tony Soprano sings along to "Dirty Work." "I'm a fool to do your dirty work, oh yeah". Even The Random Randroid likes that song. In fact he's pissed because now he can't get that *ucker out of his head.

9:37 PM

The Uncanny Canadian said...

I don't want non-elitists to understand Steely Dan. It would suggest some breakdown in the educational system that they would get how awesome Steely Dan is. And fuck, do you think Donald Fagen gives a rat's ass whether his whored-out session player knows why he's playing an acid jazz rhumba?

10:51 PM

*Double Update*

Gavin from Sadly, No! appreciates Steely Dan how they should be appreciated, either drunkenly, mistakenly, or stonededly.

And we continue...