Three Bulls! has moved

Hi guys!

2006-02-16T06:22:00.000-08:00

So PP moved 3bulls to a site I can't figure out how to work. I think he's trying to get rid of me. Unfortunately for him, the original 3B! is still operational and I still have access! I am commandeering this blog to be the sole domain of THYCWOTI!!!! All must bow before me who come here!

They can't hack it without me over at New 3B!. They'll soon come crawling back, begging me to let them back on this site, but it will never, ever happen.

This post could go two ways

2006-02-03T01:37:00.000-08:00

One way could be all:
BLOGGGGGGGGGGGGGGERRRRR!!!!!!!!!

Stabbing at thee's heart from hell, yadda yadda. But Blogger has been good to Three Bulls and we will miss the old "fixer-upper converted ranch" that has been 3B and environs.

The time has come for the kids to put on their Huggies Pull-Ups and head for the wilds of blog.3bulls.net. If the mountains of Bolivian coke and/or closely held photos we have of you led you to link to us before, we encourage you to update your linky and to spread the word. Please everyone get a buddy and hop on over to the new place. We're still under the chassis pretending we know what's going on but we're really just reading SadNo! Comics down there. It would be awesome for everyone to sign in at the new place, just so we know you are OK. Even if you have decided you hate us or that we are cobags. Or that you think only cobags use the word cobag. Which would make us cobags. Does that bother you?

-The Management

PS. We actually just spied a tear in our little eye when packing up the Rolo gun.

MAJOR THREE BULLS! ANNOUNCEMENT ON FRIDAY

2006-01-31T13:30:00.000-08:00

Everybody grab a buddy and check in on Friday, and bring traveling pants/sensible footwear. So teh will be showing up in 15 inch platties. Also, could somebody tell Res? THANKS

Where's Pinko?????

2006-01-30T14:27:00.000-08:00

Anybody have any ideas where Pinko Punko is? Adorable Girlfriend posits:

I think he's dating Marie Jon. He doesn't want anyone finding out though. Either that or the fling he had with Ann Coulter may have been more than we think.

Anybody care to post their own ideas?

Friday Musical Poop Shoot

2006-01-26T00:01:00.000-08:00

3 Bulls needs content and the world needs music. I provide you both. You're welcome. Why is Pinko away? The world awaits with bated breath. Word on the street is that something big is happening, but nobody knows the nature of the news. Has google censored Pinko Punko or is this fallout from that picture of Pinko with Abramoff? Stay tuned .....

1. Fruit Bats - The Little Acorn
This song so good I have it in my music collection twice. Today it is coming up randomly from the Jason Lytle of Grandaddy compilaton CD Below the Radio. Fruit bats are kind of poppy country and this song ends with the most wonderful electronic Grandaddyesque keyboards. 9.5/10

2. Death Cab for Cutie - Death Of An Interior Decorator
I think the best part of this song is the title. It marks a complete departure of DCFC from their old slowcore lyrical ways to their new MTV-friendly sound. It's not that the new sound is bad, but it's just not as interesting to me. 6.5/10

3. Heather Nova - We Can Work It Out
From the I am Sam compilation of Beatles covers. I don't know why I dislike this version so much. The arrangement of the song is relatively unchanged and the song is great. I guess I really really don't like her voice and singing style. 6/10

4. The Bruces - Mountain
Why has nobody heard of The Bruces? They kind of sound like Clem Snide, but a little cleaner sounding and more melancholy. Pitchfork should have been all over these guys. Mountain is a beautiful song and has interesting features of a number of other bands that I really like. 8.5/10

5. The Strokes - 12:51
The backlash against the Strokes came so quickly and predictably, that people forgot to hate their second CD and saved all the fake hate for their latest CD. 12:51 is so typically Strokes that to call their music simply derivative misses the whole point of the Strokes. Definitely one of the best tracks on a great CD, handclaps and all. 9/10

6. Beulah - Burned By The Sun
Interestingly, this song is also on the Under The Radio collection, but this one comes straight from the sun-drenched CD The Coast Is Never Clear. This song is almost too straight-up poppy for me, but the chorus is really really good and redeems the tweeness. I love Beulah. 9/10

7. The Fiery Furnaces - Wolf Notes
This song is f*cked up. It's the most addictive sounding piece of cacophony I have ever heard at the beginning. Oh but wait, it's the Fiery Furnaces so the song just completely changes halfway through into a majestic poppy piano-fueled masterpiece. It's almost post-prog. I don't know. Fiery Furnaces are geniuses. 10/10

8. The White Stripes - I Think I Smell A Rat
Good lyrics. Good beat. Good guitar. This is the stripped-down and raw version of the White Stripes that drew critical acclaim to begin with. This is a very good track from a very very good CD. 9/10

9. Holopaw - Abraham Lincoln
Hmm, strange that I have yet another artist that vaguely falls in the alt-coutnry rootsy category. Holopaw sound a lot like Fruit Bats and The Bruces. What draws me to this track are the lyrics. I don't know what they mean but all kinds of references to the deer and the antelope playing give this song a lot of Americana feel. And that's a good thing. 8.5/10

10. Sterolab - Nihilist Assault Group
Trancy and very good music from Mars Audiac Quartet. Now there's a good track name from a good CD name. I guess it's self-explanatory. 8/10

The Cobags Won

2006-01-23T19:55:00.000-08:00

I'm too upset to breakdown the election, but it's a very sad day for me and for all Canadians with a social conscience. With only about 36% of the popular vote, giant cobag Stephen Harper is now the Canadian Prime Minister. This is a defeat for everything that I love about Canada. It's a defeat for social justice. It's a defeat for women's rights. It's a defeat for unity. It's a defeat for ethnic groups. It's a defeat for gay men and women. It's a defeat for health care. It's a defeat for education. It's a defeat for a balanced budget. It's a defeat for keeping a voice independent of America. It's a defeat for the poor. Canada is f***ed. Really royally f***ed. Pretty sad that about half the country voted for our two socially liberal party, The Liberals and New Democrats, yet we are now going to be run by the neo-cons. Thank goodness for the one voice of sanity in North America ...... Mexico. Sigh. I'm going to get drunk now.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

2006-01-22T10:19:00.000-08:00

Besides Yosef-related football stuff, the larval Three Bulls! is going into a chrysalis state and will emerge "better" with 20% more cobaggery, etc in maybe a week or two. Watch this space for announcements. Pinko will be around at the various places upon the Three Bulls! blogroll. We're doing it for you kiddos.

Proud, Proud are We.

2006-01-21T15:21:00.000-08:00

[Mystery revealed]
We are proud that our nation's foremost waffle-lover had to watch Sci-Fi Friday to come to the conclusion:

I'd have to check with Ramesh and Kathryn, but my guess is that using blood cells from the unborn to save lives when there is no harm to the fetus is probably acceptable to some pro-lifers and at least it would change the moral calculus.

Why would you have to check with Ramy and K. Lo? Somebody else is doing your moral calculus? And why not examine the scientific literature? Something tells me that if Battlestar Galactica is prompting debate for you...never mind. It's not worth it. Forget I said anything. Teh l4m3 on the same, but with more gusto.

We Cannot Divulge Our Sources

2006-01-21T00:47:00.000-08:00

But sometime between 10 pm and 11 pm EST, Jonah Goldberg creamed his Pillsbury Doughpants. I guar-on-tee. He might have also pooped. His excitement would have been palpable.

12 Seahawks Street

2006-01-20T07:49:00.000-08:00

Crap, I don't think I can keep up arch-nemesising these metacobags. I'm having so much fun! They are freaking hilarious, too! (Except for the fact that they think cobag is not a good insult while using the tired old cliche stereotype of us country bumpkins is downright AWESOME!!!!1!)

Witness exhibit a:

In a post about the infamous Carolina Panthers Cheerleaders, alba notes that although the squad is called the TopCats, at least one of these 2 should be a Bottomcat.

You add this to Bluefoot's comments here, you can't deny the awesomitude of these guys.

Even if they are wrong about the game this Sunday: Panthers 27 - Seahawks 21

[added: 3B! is 12 Seahawks Street's enemy blog of the week! Finally, some real recognition!]

We Just Got Pst0mized

2006-01-20T01:14:00.000-08:00

We are total cobags. We got pst0mized by Seahawk dude! We're not too much of cobags to admit quality when we see it. Yosef?

Uh Oh. Guess Who is Suiting Up For 12 Seahawks Street. Thank Goodness He's Only in the Stands.

2006-01-19T18:15:00.000-08:00

Yosef, why did you call Steve Largent a cobag? WHY? Since people don't know what it means, you haven't caused the pain and suffering you desired!

THIS JUST IN!!!!!!!!!

2006-01-19T18:06:00.000-08:00

Seattle Seahawks first team ever to be disrespected or looked past by cabal known as the "media"!!!!

I DID NOT KNOW THAT*

*Chumpwagon Chickadee on a Triscuit, people! I was going to root for the Seahawks, but it turns out some of their fans are metacobags. alba is cool, though.

ALERT!

2006-01-19T14:41:00.000-08:00

DO NOT PERFORM THIS GOOGLE SEARCH! You might get in trouble with Johnny Law.
God help you if your debauched predilections go this far.

Cobag U.

2006-01-18T23:52:00.000-08:00

"Hi, my name is tree Treacherously Poised Over Pedestrian Walkway Blown Over By Storm DECEMBER 29th (TPOPWBOBS). I'm on the campus that brought you Condoleeza Rice. What are the odds I will be removed in a timely fashion. Oh, by the way, what day is it?"

"Uh...."

In other news, whose up for BLOGGING MAN!!!!! I would give a billion gummi bears to someone if they could slip in a fake bio of Pammie on this page.
Let's be serious por uno momento. We really really need suggestions for casting the role of Pammie in MGT. Airbushing clothes on a naked Bratz doll is out. Something more symbolic is what we are looking for. We have two nominations so far:

1) CG says barbie with Smokey turd head. Seems unsanitary.

2) PP says hole in the ground. Possibly hard to represent with limited set budget.

???

Confusing

2006-01-18T07:38:00.000-08:00

For this week, I have a new arch-nemesis. It's a collective arch-nemesis, embodied by a blog that I first learned of through one of the Charlotte Observer's Panthers Blog. It's a Seahawks blog called 12 Seahawks Street.

Now, please note that this will only be my arch-nemesis until after Sunday (when the Panthers will beat down the Seachickens (yeah, I know, not too clever)) at which point in time I will return to arch-nemesising Nathan Tabor and/or Judson Cox.

The posters at 12 Seahawks Street are a strange mix of helpful, insightful, crude, idiotic, smart, homophobic, misogynistic, and downright nice.

Everytime I go there, I come away with a different feeling. alba is definitely nice, not to mention she was hot in Dark Angel. disclaimer: alba may not really be Jessica Alba.

Anyway, they have shown a certain penchant for thinking the rest of the world doesn't exist, but then that may just be how Seattle always is. They are very clever, creating new jokes about people from the south no one has ever thought of before. One of them even came up with a new word - redneck! How creative and original.

They are obviously averse to fact-checking as they make up stats to show why the Panthers are the worst team to ever step on the gridiron.

So, until Monday, I promise to fight the good fight and stay strong against this new menace. After that, I'll either become friends with these people or never go to that site again. Who knows.

[added: PP, we love you. MGT! MGT! MGT!

Awesome. Asian Stock Markets in the Toilet.

2006-01-18T00:53:00.000-08:00

What? You can't sell people enough desktop computers every year to keep up chip demand? Thanks to our moronic overlords we are now require disposable society to float the economy and destroy the environment. I can only buy so much crap that I don't need before I run out of money. All to fuel friggin' hedge funds that hold onto stocks for 60 days so that CEO STAGMC can buy his own personal island and dine on the brains of an illegal alien while his bulimic playgirl daughter entertains Greek shipping magnates and experiments with the Olsen twins. I can't wait for STAGMC's new product- the Head Flattener "now your flat head holds more of our sh*t."

Oh the Boredom

2006-01-17T22:47:00.000-08:00

I am feeling lackamalaisical. Gregor has gone to Ethiopia. Yosef is otherwise stirring up crap on Seahawks' blogs. I tried to get someone to put up some Seattle crap vs. some Carolina crap, but we'll see. I don't think anyone really wants to tussle with some dude named Yosef. The cobags of the world have gone forth and lo, do they multiply. Someone parking their gargantuan hosebeast SUV in a compact spot while talking on the phone loudly listening to their coPod while making sweet love to their ice cream cone could not constantly degrade me more than my general feeling of degradation right now. Its kind of like when Scott McLellan opens his mouth and you are forced to listen.

You might as well spend a little effort on a little clicky and see the Rev. Schmitt being thoughtful about some loafmuffin's internet pollution. The at-least-trying-but-wrong respondos here. I only point it out because I wish more debates could be like this and not the flame war variety, where the cobags drag you down with their idiocy and constant degradation, and claim you do the same.

I can't even get up enough juice to give SeanS the old Three Bulls! treatment. Sigh.

Well, the cameroni did come today, I guess I should start working on MGT. But nobody wants to see that, do they?

Survival Tips-The Urine Soaked Tenderloin Edition

2006-01-16T22:02:00.000-08:00

When traveling amongst the peoples of the world and various cultures and what have you, there are certain courses of action that will lead you to success. Here are our tips for surviving The Urine Soaked Tenderloin (TUSTOSAN) of San Francisco.

For J-Money

2006-01-16T14:16:00.000-08:00

If you have 10 people review an album, those 10 people will have 10 different reviews, and collectively these reviews can each be seen as a solution to the "problem" of "how good the album is". The 10 dimensional space that each of these reviews cover when considered collectively maps out a unique solution space for each album. For universally beloved or derided albums, the solution space will be small, for controversial albums, it will be large. For goddamned random albums like Iron Maiden's Greatest Hits, it will be a ridiculous shape, because nobody cares what the *uck a zero metal-credibilty having cobag on the Pitchfork staff actually thinks about this "album", given the fact that it cannot possibly receive a review that would fit it into the mindset of several hundred other reviews on the site. Oh look, they just rereleased The Police's Synchronicity, I can't wait to see what Amanda Petrusch has to say about it! Hey, wait isn't that an old S.O.D. cassette that someone got on Ebay? I shudder in anticipation for Joe Tangari's (a reviewer we actually respect) take!

Today's Business

2006-01-16T13:59:00.000-08:00

1. Read the Rude Pundit on religious freedom.

2. Congrats Yosef.

3. Oh my head.

4. Check out our Pitchfork troll:

Ha, ha - the best thing about Pitchfork is the way it makes morons like you go apoplectic. "They said something I disagree with about a record I like! Waaah! They are worse than Big Brother in 1984! Waaah!" Priceless - keep it coming!

Oh, and I'm sure you have actual facts to back up your assertions about the ages of Pitchfork writers, right? You wouldn't be, you know, PULLING THAT OUT OF YOUR ASS, would you? (Actually, I know just how old Rob Mitchum is, so I know the answer to that question.)
J-Money | 01.16.06 - 4:34 pm | #

Yes, let us argue about Rob Mitchum's age! That's probably relevant to the overarching point, since we weren't complaining about the review scores at all, sorry our point was too subtle! J-Money, you probably do know how old Rob is, from counting the rings around his *******!

For PupH

2006-01-16T13:48:00.000-08:00

Panthers!!!

2006-01-16T12:31:00.000-08:00

GEAUX JAKE!!!!

Hala Charlotte!

2006-01-16T09:12:00.000-08:00

As promised, the Cats have won, and today will be dedicated to them.

For the first installment, let's revisit the comments of a few sad individuals and address each one accordingly.

There is a reason you don't feel well. It's because you know you area going to be h-u-m-i-l-i-a-t-e-d. Your nervous, stressed because you are realizing that you are going to look like one big giant bubble come Sunday. Do you already have the runs? Have you camped out in your bathroom yet?
Geenie Cola | 01.13.06 - 1:45 pm | #

Geenie, thanks for your concern about my gastrointestinal system. It was quite fine, although I'm not sure how I'll react to all the bear meat.

geenie cola speaks truth.

besides, how can the bears lose when they have this guy backing up made-of-glass rex:

http://photos1.blogger.com/ blogg...nortonorton.jpg
the mullet of chuck norris | 01.13.06 - 3:01 pm | #

If only the Bears had followed your advice and put in Orton, maybe wI wouldn't have to reply to this comment!

I was going to talk some smack, but the Bears just got the kiss of death: ESPN's Bill Simmons picked them to win. That completely undoes the anti-mojo of having Sports Illustrated's Dr. Z pick them as the worst team in football in his preseason power poll.

Of course, the odds of the Panthers playing three consecutive good games are about the same as Alito upholding Roe V. Wade....
Brando | Homepage | 01.13.06 - 4:04 pm | #

You're right, it would be amazing for the Cats to play well in 3 consecutive games. What a amazing game yesterday!

daylight come and you gotta delhomme!
chris berman | Homepage | 01.13.06 - 4:54 pm | #

Berman, you are one of the most annoying people on TeeVee. Please shut up and go away. Stick to baseball games so I don't have to pay attention to you.

you americans and your crrrraaaaaaaazy football. when it's cold, stay in. don't chase dead pig carried by men in armour!
el terrible | Homepage | 01.13.06 - 5:09 pm | #

Wrong, when it's cold, you switch to bourbon for the tailgate. And it's no longer made of pig, despite the nickname.

I have a thing for the 9er's Nadney. Is that wrong?
teh l4m3 | Homepage | 01.13.06 - 5:14 pm | #

Yes.

We shall see, mon ami...

Oh yes, and I almost forgot:

EAt 1t cAr0L1nA cOBagz, w00t!!11!1!1!!!
GuinnessGuy | 01.13.06 - 10:57 pm | #

GG, you would have done better to have actually forgotten.

Smith went to Utah, didn't he?

Personally, I'd like Chicago if they had, you know, a quarterback. It's gonna be a 17-6 Carolina win (with a defensive TD for the Panthers).
mwg | 01.14.06 - 12:54 pm | #

Maybe the Mormons are right after all, because Smith looked like God out there.

Yosef- I think the Panthers are gonna pull it off. They've got an almost-as-dominating defense and a real QB.
Brad R. | Homepage | 01.14.06 - 4:33 pm | #

Brad R., thank you for continuing to be a member of the reality-based community.

Well, that should do for now. I'll leave you with this:

Three Bulls! Party Tip

2006-01-15T01:34:00.000-08:00

When enjoying oneself at a gathering of like-minded individuals, if perchance one's hands are found to be in the air, in a motion that can be characterized as waving, one is encouraged, nay, obligated to portray a state of mind akin to not caring.

Amen, Brother, Amen

2006-01-14T18:00:00.000-08:00

Jimmy Jam.

Three Bulls!, however, cannot live by such a policy, and we are currently casting Pamela "Atlas Shrugs" for Monday Goldberg Theatre. Please leave suggestions in comments. If we were consummate pros, we'd just use a Smokey Dog turd, but we don't want to be molding silicone out of poop.

Are They Mocking Me?

2006-01-14T15:43:00.000-08:00

Two of the people that I work with at a not-for-profit organization sent me the following e-mails. The e-mails are in response to my spending a little time to dig up some important information for them.

THANKS GREG(OR), YOUR BAD ASS!
and
Greg(or), your totally rad. Like Crew Jones. Thanks (with the conotation of the word that the orgin I imagine intends).

While I would like to be "BAD ASS!" I know in my heart of hearts that I'm not. And the second e-mail is so enigmatic that I haven't a clue as to what it means. Do you? Is this a generational thing? Or are they simply mocking me?

Almost Infamous, Called on the Carpet

2006-01-14T01:19:00.000-08:00

Explain yourself and this. Two words: follow on. I feel for you. Obviously, Three Bulls! is being elitist with cricket posting, but we try to include all of our readers in the pain that AIF is feeling now.

For the non-cricketer in the audience: India is losing by a bajillion runs to archrival Pakistan and their attack is futile. FUTILE. They may very well be forced to follow on, and they will most likely lose unless they can bat for THREE STRAIGHT DAYS. This battle is similar to the one the Panthers face in Chi-Town. Yosef and Ganguly are two peas in a pod.

UPDATE:
You only need to know that this means a total beatdown.
27 Shahid Afridi (6-6-6-6-2-1) Harbhajan Singh Pak v Ind Lahore 2005-06

That's four straight outta the grounds, boys.

It's getting close!

2006-01-13T09:19:00.000-08:00

I'm not feeling to good today (yeah, I know it should be 'well', but I feel like bubbles so shut it), so I thought I would just let y'all enjoy some photos that are especially for GG and GC:

Endless Pitchfork Cobaggery

2006-01-13T08:35:00.000-08:00

The other day an Anthrax compilation, today Pretty Hate Machine. Thank you for putting your diaper wearing stamp on the late 80s early 90s, when you were probably 7. Thanks for arbitrarily validating and invalidating music of other's eras. Your juvenile minds have grown weary of foisting Boredoms imports upon the shiftless masses, now your tentacled reach extends to the history books. I eagerly await your reevaluation of Helloween's Keeper of the Seven Keys. Unbelievably cheesy German Iron Maiden acolytes or cherished artifact, unappreciated in its time for virtuoso performances? I know, I know, flip a coin. Perhaps the Pitchfork Magic 8 Ball? Also, Rob Mitchum, when trying to inflate your self-importance with a devastating sign-off, you might want to spell Napoleon correctly.

Jonah Goldberg Music Video Storyboard Part III

2006-01-12T22:43:00.000-08:00

I can't do it, and you don't want me to. Do you? You don't, and I couldn't live with myself if I did. I'm not sure you deserve it anyway. I'm gonna waste the punchline right here and let your imaginations run away. The song is the 'Mats "I Will Dare" and it may have featured this:
You kids never gave Super Evil Spock love and I'm not gonna desecrate the national treasure that is "I Will Dare" just to make Teh give a little squirt laugh. Although it is super cute. *squee*
I'm hear to warn all of you Goucher hussies to keep your g*ddamned hands off my boy. He does not choose to fraternize with your sex.

Irony Continues to Have No Pulse

2006-01-12T13:52:00.000-08:00

Chazmo, everyone's favorite paranoid shroom-head let's us know that irony continues to be lifeless. Here's Chazzie quoting MICHAEL FUMENTO, who is not even the poor man's version of himself (here's the Deltoid file on Fumento), talking about James Wolcott who called LGF a Nuremburg rally of some sort. Our post here does not really explain much of anything, but if you are in the know about all of these individuals you would find it EXQUISITELY amusing. To bring in down to the level of Three Bulls!, Chazmundo has been listening to Beck, Suzy Boguss and Steely Dan, although the latter is actually expected due to possibly the worlds largest PCP-laced spliff Chaz shared with Becker and Fagen while checking out long-necked fretless Fenders on the Strip back in the day, so irony's pulse went ba-bump, it was a push with Suzy Boguss, and it flatlined with Beck's "Jack-Ass" only to further flatline with some Streets' tunes.

UPDATE! Fumento takes it in his lantern jaw, also he kind of looks like Herb Tarlek! WOLCOTT

A Sad Something Unearthed by Google

2006-01-12T00:43:00.000-08:00

I post this obituary because it saddens me for numerous reasons. One, because I absolutely adored this gentelman's hotdog stand, usually near the corner of State and North U. in Ann Arbor, MI. Sometimes he would be down at East U. and South U. in front of West Engin. or whatever the hell they call it now (across the street from Ulrich's and East Engin. or whatever the hell they call it now).

And on football days he'd be down on the way to the stadium, so you could get something good on the way to the usual stupid 4 hour-long snoozefest of run-run-pass-punt Michigan having all the talent and underachieving, punctuated by the overrated and cult-like Michigan Band playing the same three songs all g*ddamned game, save at half-time where it was tribute to Phil Collins featuring "I Can't Hurry Love" (I shit you not) or Best of Disney. My conservative yet good taste in music friend (the Nutter) and I would joke about the half-time show, and we'd alternate predicting the cheesiest possible titles ("Mozart! Mozart! Mozart!") with guessing highly improbable artists to fanfare- "I think it will be Nick Cave or the Wedding Present." "No, definitely Pixies, but songs from the underappreciated Bossanova."

Anyway, I digress. Biener's was a great, great guy. Friendly. Awesome product. Standard Biener Wiener, or specialty- sometimes kielbasa, polish, other stuff. Always came on french bread. He'd cut off a piece then slice it, slap the dog on, and would load any number of condiments. My special was the Biener with mustard, BBQ and jalapenos. I was searching for BW because I wanted to command Dean Esmay to go there, and revel in it. I found this:

Monday, March 29, 2004

The owner of Biener's Wieners, the hot dog stand which has been at the corner of State Street and North University of over 20 years, died on St. Patrick's Day of heart disease, although his partner will continue the business. Interestingly, on the day he died he experienced chest pains, but didn't go to the hospital because he didn't have health insurance. Now, had the United States had a national single-payer health insurance system like virtually every other industrialized nation, or even a state-regulated opt-in system like Mexico, who knows what might have happened ...

" Barry Biniarz, the chatty owner of Biener's Wieners, died unexpectedly of heart disease at his Michigan Center home in Jackson County on St. Patrick's Day. He had turned 50 in January.

Alan Fineran, his life and business partner of 14 years, will be back in business on the same corner one day soon. ...

"He was an exceptional guy, always nice to everybody," said Ashley Arbour, a clerk at Michigan Book & Supply just a few feet from the space Biener's Wieners typically occupies. "It's unbelievable that he's gone. It's kind of like I don't take that information as fact. It's like he's just on vacation. If there was an ice storm, they'd still be crazy and be out there selling hot dogs."

On the rare day Biniarz was a no-show, at least three or four students would stop in the store to ask where he was, Arbour said. Although he enjoyed a chili and cheese dog nearly every day, Arbour said he's changing his diet.

"After I heard the news, I've gone vegetarian," said Arbour. "I'm starting to bring in my own Boca burgers for lunch." ...

Fineran said Biniarz worked the day he died, but later at home complained that he didn't feel well. He didn't go to the doctor because he didn't have medical insurance and thought it was only indigestion anyhow, he said. Fineran's mother, Mary, said her son found him dead on the floor, and that an autopsy showed he had heart disease he hadn't known about. ...

So in this story we have many prime targets for conservative douchewads. Of course there is the easy and loathsome snark about his "choices" causing his heart disease, he was clearly eating too many hot dogs or what not. The Random Randroid would probably hop on that train and also cluck cluck about the lack of insurance, even though he could easily praise Biener for being a self-made man. Other cobags will attack the obviously hysterical liberal slant of the article, and the obvious "partisanship". Emotional vegetarianism being the easiest of the targets. Although, is emotional vegetarianism brought on by thoughts of mortality any different than the terroristic bed-wetting of "national security voters?" Actually, it's the same damn thing. Finally, on the insurance business, the article is of course completely correct. Even putting national health care aside for one moment, the absolute scam of insurance companies discriminating against the self-employed- the class of worker conservatives usually trumpet and rally around (it usually helps them with their scams)- is an outrage. And I am really sad about it. This is our little tribute to a fondly remembered individual. Thank you, Mr. Biener.

Not Even Worth Your Time Dispirited Alcohol Post.

2006-01-11T23:47:00.000-08:00

Communist Boozing.

In honor of the uterus police and John Hinderaker's hackery apotheosis and AIF, we bring you the Cuba Libre. Now, with American coke, dark rum is fine and imparts a deeper flavor. However, with Mexican coke (sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup) there is a decidedly different flavor. Now we are more versed in the delightfulness of sugar Coke than you will ever be, but we are not knee-jerk reactionaries on the issue.

Only mindless cobags spouting off acres of crap and who shop at Urban Outfitters just namecheck foreign coke as "better". Why should you trust them? They read it in a magazine, a magazine with ads that do not cater to Three Bulls! readers, a magazine that probably caters to the Richie McRicherburg whose Hummer Smokey just poop-painted. The Panamanian Secret Police would like to question him about this crap crime, but he just looked cute and my mouth was full of a Take 5 bar so I couldn't say anything. Then, I shot them in the face with the Rolo gun. Also, for the hell of it: implacable nanobots.

The point of that last paragraph was to indicate that no magazine could be clique-ier or more elitist than this here webpage, so our opinion should be more valued than some douchey dinglechunk.

Anyway, the endless and soul-crushing inanity that constantly degrades us- I'm looking at you Dean Esmay (I wanna see you treat Rosemary to Red Hot Lovers on East U.- nobody ever called it that when Three Bulls! went there, and I expect to hear about it- not some one line bullsh*t, I wanna hear about every little detail, up to but not including the passage of the food from your digestive system- I wanna see some real bloggery). Anyway, since we were driven to drink and we had the means at our disposal, we did so. The moral of the story is that yummy Jamaican dark rum and yummy Mexican coke are together TOO sweet and require EXTRA lime for a perfec Cuba Libre, and it takes a Pinko to know that. If I may quote Fidel:

"While delightful, Coke made with sugar has a more peppery and cinnamon front end, followed by an almost sugar cane back end for a sweeter taste, while Coke with high-fructose corn syrup has peppery front end that follows through a more caramel back end, thus for drinking with stronger flavored dark rum is surprisingly more appropriate. Mexican coke is perfectly delightful however with spicy taco truck tacos."

If I keep drinking will Assrocket start to make sense?

Ed- only if it's Orange Death, and the sugar high causes a Diabetic pre-coma.

AIF Lite

2006-01-11T22:18:00.000-08:00

They say that kopykattery is the sincerest form of flattery. So AIF consider yourself flattered by a kopykatter.

Oh and here too.

New digital camera! Thanks Santa!!

The Panther's Secret Weapon

2006-01-11T12:28:00.000-08:00

Rowrth! Eat it, CoBears!!11!2!

I probably shouldn't be letting everyone on to this as it could enable the Bears to prepare, but Kitty Panther will be playing QB, RB, WR, CB, and LB. Watch out, Chicago!

Oh, GuinessGuy, Kitty Panther is going to find you after the game.

Alito Reax

2006-01-11T00:37:00.000-08:00

Smokey Dog grows weary of Senatorial blubbery. Also desires to poop on SeanS, but finds the unceasing river of bullsh*t makes him tired. Already essentially rights-less, he is sad for the day that you will join him in his rights-less state. Perhaps you could rub his tummy?

Stupid Meme!!!

2006-01-10T15:07:00.000-08:00

Adorable girlfriend tagged me with this meme. Now, I'm not personally a fan of such forms of chains, and I really don't see why anybody would have any particular interest in what I say in response to these questions, but I just can't take the chance of seven years of bad luck so here goes ....

Seven things to do before I die:

1. Publish one paper in a journal that will be read by more than 10 people
2. Consume my bottle caps of the world collection
3. Manage a small island nation
4. Reunite The Beatles
5. Invent the electric bassoon
6. Get credit for inventing the internet
7. Breast feed my own child

Seven things I cannot do:
1. Fly without my own jetpack
2. Whistle through my nose
3. The splits
4. Sing German opera
5. Multiply ten digit numbers in my head
6. Get monoclonal antibodies to work in the mature pancreas
7. Open my eyes underwater

Seven things I say most often:

On the Vernacular

2006-01-10T11:22:00.000-08:00

Apparently some of you are not being enough of a cobag.

Good Morning!

2006-01-10T06:55:00.000-08:00

Day 1 of the non-annoying 3B!.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful morning! I really appreciate each and every one of you.

Oh Yosef.

2006-01-10T01:52:00.000-08:00

Looks like we can't always be fuzzy bunnies all the time. It takes it's toll.

Do NOT click on this link, I warn you. Here is where you should not click. I warned you.

3B! Will be Fuzzy Bunnies from now on

2006-01-09T12:22:00.000-08:00

Via Dr. McShutup we find that it is now a federal crime to anonymously annoy people over the internets.

What is annoying? Well, I think I will compile a quick list of things that anonymously annoy me on the internets:

Noted Without Comment

2006-01-08T21:04:00.000-08:00

Just kidding, the comment is that Jonah Doughpants has been drinking genetically-modified ultra-distilled double-potent juice of the stupid-juice berry. The berry has been modified such that one who partakes is an accursed-by-God moron. I give you this discussion:

BSG [Jonah Goldberg]
Note there are Battlestar Galactica spoilers below. From a reader:

Jonah,
I shared your appreciation of BSG, as well as the dorkiness of telling people who’ve never watched the show that I like ‘Battlestar Galactica’. But can I just vent at how absolutely horrid the season premiere was? What part of “Commander-in-Chief” does so-called President Roslin not understand!? If she wanted that Admiral removed from power, she could have just detained her when they had that meeting at Colonial One. Or at least Adama could have reminded her of that responsibility when she asked him to kill her in cold blood! I can understand suspension of disbelief, but this is just too much.

Me: I agree and disagree. I liked the premiere (though it was really the premiere of the second half of this season). And I thought of that point too: Why can't the president just fire Michelle Forbes (the admiral)? One possible explanation is that the Admiral wouldn't recognize her authority (even Adama declared martial law and threw the president in prison). Another is that the President is so sick she's not thinking clearly. But ultimately, I think the reader's right. Why didn't the president just say to Adama that the admiral was fired. That would have given Adama all the "legal" authority he needed. It certainly would have gone over better than his current plan to have the admiral assasinated. I also thought the President could have volunteered to kill her. After all she's only got a few weeks to live. If she thinks it's the right thing to do, why not do it herself?

This is up there with "let's just invade Iran", and of course since these cobags view military and governmental policy quite probably exactly the same as they would a fictional TV show set in space one conclusion could follow. Is Jonah projecting here?

How Does Three Bulls! Spell C-I-N-G-U-L-A-R?

2006-01-08T18:48:00.000-08:00

C-L-O-A-C-U-L-A-R. We already hate them like super crazy because they are like a total cobag ensconced within a cloacular STAGMC of a cloaca. This is just the cherry on top. I do like Americablog when they use their pitbull instincts for good and not for wank. But then again, I'm sure people get tired of our schtick too. I'm too lazy to alter my RSS feeds so I always consider it someone else's fault for constantly degrading me with their content that I choose to subscribe to, even though I could change the channel.

For All the Herb Tarlek Aficionados

2006-01-08T17:46:00.000-08:00

Just click here. It is possible an additional click may also be required. Don't hurt yourselves.

Dear Rosemary

2006-01-08T14:17:00.000-08:00

For your edification! Also, this post is the essence of Three Bulls! (or one of the various essences or secretions).

DEAN, DEAN, DEAN

2006-01-07T20:05:00.000-08:00

The term "legal action" was used by Gavin to describe your contacting the authorities, you used the term "lawsuit". WE, however, used the term libel because we accused you of f****** a hole in the ground...ON THE MOON!!!!!!

Sheesh, for somebody really serious, you just *shrug* off the threat? LET'S GO TO THE TAPE:

See, the thing is, all McNett has to do here is acknowledge that he was over the top and went grossly past the bounds of good tastes. Then we might have had something to talk about.

Instead he makes up fantasies about how I threatened to sue (never happened--there's nothing to sue over) and then denies he said some of the things he did (which is why I saved copies and posted them here).

I assume the incident is over and that we'll hear no more about this. If something more happens, the cops have a record. [shrug]

Hmmm. Since you are Mr. Nonchalant, seems like you could have handled the whole thing over e-mail, couldn't you? But you didn't. Shrugging off threats to your family like that? I thought you cared! I will say that I hope Wolcott isn't going to wade into this, but it seems like he might.

Dean Esmay F**** a Hole in thr Ground

2006-01-07T13:24:00.000-08:00

ON THE MOON!!!!!!!!!!

Are our words actionable? Did we just libel Dean Esmay? Or the fact that this purported hole IS ON THE MOON!! suggest that our words our tastelessly satirical, as it is not possible that Dean Esmay actualy has f***** a hole in the ground ON THE MOON. Besides, our sources tell us he merely t******** it.

Dean Esmay Slashfic Requests Taken Here

2006-01-07T12:48:00.000-08:00

Let's go through this kids. Deano the Meano regularly calls for people to be summarily executed, and denies HIV causes AIDS. (Orac on this HIV crap here and here). So Dean says a bunch of absolute shit (I think his anus is where his mouth is, which is why you'll see him sitting on perfectly good food). The S,N! boys, Gavin and Brad, call him on his, what truly is regular behavior, ridiculousness by satirizing exactly what it is thet he's doing. Gavin sends Dean and e-mail concurrently stating that Sadly, No Inc only takes the post so seriously, and that offline precautions are taken to only go so far and keep relations cordial. Something Three Bulls! has done with Seth and the Commissar at Politburo Diktat, during some heated moments. And how does Deano take it? He completely loses his sh*t, showing that no depths of hypocricy remain to be plumbed in his ocean of ineptitude. We open the floor to your Dean Esmay favorites. Here's Gavmo's respondo.

Let's examine the Deaniacs comments:

Here's legal scholar and gun nut Willem:

The situation you describe is relatively arcane, and interstate. There's likely some federal criminal component to it. Start with a good criminal lawyer who has a good sense of interplay between the state and federal systems. You could encounter a lot of indifference and resistance from the authorities due to the complexities and potential expense involved. Too often it is deemed more frugal overall to wait as a matter of policy, and not get involved until a more compelling crime has been committed. Sounds like a good time to clean the 12 gauge, stock up on the 00 Buck and take a few trips to the range with that 1911.

And what is that gun for, dumbass cobag? Oh for an implied death threat in response to a stated satiric death threat that was in response to an honest to god call for summary execution? Awesome.

Seawitch is on the case too:

I would contact the Michigan authorities first and see what they advise. Word of advice someone gave to me before Hurricane Katrina struck, keep your head down and your ammo dry.

Thanks, genius! I love to know what you do, because your authoritah is clearly respectedm in fact you could probably win any and all arguments merely by expressing such authority.

Here's a possibly cursed by G*d loafwagon, OCSteve.

Dean,

“Honor the Threat” is my advice. The origins of the quote are naval aviation I believe.

“view each potential hazard as a living breathing threat”

Chances are it is some pimple faced creepy kid. But why take chances? The cops can get his identity from Verizon.

He obviously wanted to be 100% sure you saw it. Take the punk at his word.

Shorter cobag: "Take this dude at his word" but which word, Steve, which word????? The "word" posted on a satirical website, or the "word" communicated in a personal e-mail??? More shorter Steve: "I think these words make me sound smart, they clearly don't. You win some, you lose some, in my case I tend to lose more than I win."

And to take the cake, the monumental incompetence cake, is Messr. Eric B. Ashley:

Good grief, reality surpasses fiction. In my novel, DoaB, I imagined a moonbat trying to kill bloggers, but my villain was content to murder the bloggers themselves. Stalinist show trials for you, and your family...the madness goes even deeper than I could imagine.

My worry is that most of these are just hot air which is nerve-wracking enough, but even more the one in a hundred who is serious.

I'd report this to the blogger protection group that writes on blogger's being threatened in other nations. And it might be a good thing to have a 'Free Speech Doesn't Mean Death Threats' button like the 'Regime Change Iran' button and so forth

Dear Eric, your comment illustrates your cobaggery as fact, this is not ad hominem as your words support such a conclusion. Three Bulls! invite you to EAT IT COBAG!!12!11!

The rest of the comments are a bunch of "go to the authorities/practice your target shooting". Well, their targets merely consisted of sheets of paper saying "this paper represents irony".

Dear Alliance Cobags

2006-01-07T01:50:00.000-08:00

Please change your stupid logo. Carthago is feminine, thus delenda. Instapundit, neuter in my mind, thus delendum. Masculine if you must, delendus. Possibly plural due to his/its high level of posting, delendi or delenda. Choose it or loose it. Your poor grammar is constantly degrading me.

Ask the Candidate

2006-01-06T12:19:00.000-08:00

Special presentation brought to you by the Yo!06 campaign.

In an effort to let my constituents get to know me better, I have decided to answer your questions.

For this installment, Thorlac writes (via Sadly No!):

Tabor Delendum Est! Is there any way that this could kinda sorta be twisted euphemistically to mean "Tabor Must Go Down"? Isn't ignorance of Latin becoming mandatory in this country? Like the metric system? When was the last time you measured anything other than drugs using grams? Can someone give my chain a good yank before I tumble from a precipitous digression? There's a good chap.

Whoa! Slow your spurs down there, Tex! Let's take this one at a time:

(edit: no I'm not a pirate)

Yosix!!!

2006-01-06T07:37:00.000-08:00

It has begun

That's right my fellow chundermuffins, I hereby announce that I am running for NC keep-Nathan-Tabor-unelected-er from the 3B! District.

Even though I believe I've skipped over all the posts about Tabor on SadNo and World O'Crap and therefore have little to no idea who he is, I will take a break from archnemesising Judson Cox and Chuckles (chunderdouche) in order to keep Nathan Tabor out of the NC State Senate.

You can read my first campign speeches at Sadly, No!

And my first campaign promise is this: I T'AIN'T NO COBAG!!!!

The funny thing is, at first, I thought they said Tabor was running for senate for NC, and I thought, this is the guy that's going to beat Liddy Dole and Raymond, er Richard Burr?! Gimme a break.

Thank you for your support.

Best CDs of 2005 Poop Shooting

2006-01-06T00:01:00.000-08:00

At Pinko Punko's request, I'm doing a Friday poop shoot based on some of my favourite CDs of 2005. The caveats are as follows: I haven't heard every good CD from the year, even from ones I've already bought, I haven't ranked my top CDs of the year at all, and the selection is still random. If people like, I'll continue next week with more best of 2005 selections

1. Rendesvous: Portrero Hill - Architecture in Helsinki (In Case We Die)
A cute little instrumental ditty that doesn't seem to have any particular theme or direction. Kind of a divertimento I guess, if I knew what a divertimento was. As a random aside, this track would make for great elevator music. Kind of a happy littly ditty thing. I'd be very happy listening to this over and over all day long. 7.5/10

2. The Jessica Numbers - New Pornographers (Twin Cinema)
I'm kind of bummed that this is my random selection from this stellar CD, because it's kind of one of the non-amazing tracks on this top 5 CD. Lots of unison singing and pretty slow-paced for NP. There's a guitar line in the middle that sounds like it was taken right out of Journey. That makes me smile. 7/10

3. Same Ghost Every Night - Wolf Parade (Apologies To The Queen Mary)
This is a pretty interesting track. It doesn't sound typical of the whole CD and I think I like that about it. It sounds a little like the Radiohead songs from their last CD. Also a little like Built to Spill. It's also in 6/8 musical time, which is a very UC thing to like. 8/10

4. Since K Got Over Me - The Clientele (Strange Geometry)
PP has already given this song the appopriate SoftD treatment that this gem deserves, and I don't have a lot more to offer in terms of raves. It's my #1 track from 2005 and by far. I love everything about this song so much. 10.000000000000/10

5. Burn That Broken Bed - Iron & Wine and Calexico (In The Reins)
I think this song is much more Calexico than Sam Beam and that makes this more interesting a listen. It has a little bit of an easy-listening character to it, but the beautiful harmonizing in the middle reminds me that it's much better than just that. I could do without the saxophone, though. 8/10

6. Four Hours In Washington - M. Ward (Transistor Radio)
I think this song has already come up in a previous poop shoot. I really like the lyrics and the frenzy of the music. Somebody should really think of using M. Ward in movies. This would go perfectly into The Thomas Crowne Affair or anywhere there is a good chase scene. 9/10

7. The Engine Driver - The Decemberists (Picaresque)
This was the first single released from this stellar stellar CD, probably because it is quite accessible. It's not quite as whimsical as the rest of this CD, but it is sentimental in its own way and quite sweet. Great boy/girl singing and some very memorable lyrics. The song is so well crafted, that at one point you don't even realize that you're listening to an accordion. Love the Decemberists. 9.5/10

8. Takk... - Sigur Ros (Takk...)
The opening track that is really more of an introduction to a concept than a self-existing piece. Even within the short instrumentals overlying the web of strings, the themes of Sigur Ros throughout this CD are apparent. 7.5/10

9. Banshee Beat - Animal Collective (Feels)
More like a track from Sung Tongs than the rest of this generally fun, yet incredibly strange CD. The lyrics and tone are hushed and anticipatory. The first part goes on a little long and drony for me, which suggests that it is something that PP probably really likes. I like the middle part, where it picks up a little with a fun syncopated beat. 7.5/10

10. I Summon You - Spoon (Gimme Fiction)
Classic sounding Spoon song, which I'm surprised nobody has ever mentioned sounds a little like a good Billy Joel song. Great all round especially the ba ba ba ba part. 8.5/10\

Crazy Pooper Shooter-On Time!

2006-01-05T23:55:00.000-08:00

We are going the crazy route, since Uncanny has , below, dealt with wonderful tunes, except possibly the Architecture in Helsinki. We programmed Last-Fm with groups similar to Neu!, Can, Faust and threw in some Velvet Underground and Stooges into the mix. Krautrock and proto-punk (a big whole in our musical knowledge)

1. The Pop Group- 3:48
Sounds Krautrocky, jammy but in a tight groove with some noise and manipulation behind it. Classicly Krauty- precursor to electronic and dance music but with instruments. 6/10

2. Cluster-Rotor
Electronic and repetitive, sounds minimalist and possibly old- only dated by its simplicity. Just not enough here. 3/10

3. Capt. Beefheart and His Magic Band-Well Well Well
Interesting marimba/zylophone stop start type thing? Could be a precursor to glitch. Some fuzz in the background. What does this sound like? Hmm, I know Beefheart is supposed to be a groundbreaker- this is provocative. 7/10

4. Suicide-Holy Skips
The Suicide I like is the very fuzzy, less electronic one from their first album, where the crappy beatbox is not so noticeable, only because of the haunting farfisa organ that grounds the whole enterprise. The first album is incredibly creepy, whereas this has the porduction values of a David GRay album. These guys are really influential, this is not one of their best. 2/10

5. Charlie Feathers-Too Much Alike
Sounds like super old Elvis and country. Very influential with those Sun guys from back in the day. 8/10

6. Bob Dylan-Things Have Changed
I think I should probably get more into Dylan. This track is overporduced- not overly slick but to clean. I don't think it helps. The accompaniment seems like just add water instant Dylan backing band. 6/10

7. Faust-Drone Organ
Seriously that is what this song is. UC would hate this song. I am bathing in warm, embracing waves of organy goodness. This is pretty cool. German K-rock band from the early 70s but I guess active through latter times.

8. Lou Reed-Kill Your Sons
From Sally Can't Dance. Some David Gilmouresque dithering thinly through some other stuff, also thin, and just a less than compelling bassline in the fore. Where the production makes you annoyed to the point that you can't really hear the song. 4/10

9. Ash Ra Tempel-L'hiver Doux
Some proto-electronic music that should really be in an oddly affecting, poorly produced 70s sci-fi movie and/or Doctor Who circa 1981. 7/10

10. Velvet Underground-Head Held High
I can't ever reject hand claps. Actually sounds a little like live Wilco in rocking retro mode. 9/10

Bonus

11. Neu!-Sonderangerbot
Like distant jets approaching. Just some ambient spacy noise. Probably designed for the planetarium. And ntohing ever changes. C'mon guys, I know you are better than this. 0/10

12. Brian Eno-The Dance #3
Some "ambient" thing. Of course it is OK, but it is making me sleepy. 6/10

Ok, what did we learn kids? Not much. We definitely didn't get the hits today, that is for sure.

Well did she?

2006-01-05T18:18:00.000-08:00

Announcing

2006-01-05T17:47:00.000-08:00

UPDATE! Please sign below a petition supporting Yosef! You may sign anonymously or as your celebrity self:

Example:

"I support Yosef! He feeds me cats"-Alf

Announcing

2006-01-05T17:21:00.000-08:00

UPDATE
Please sign below a petition supporting Yosef! You may sign anonymously or as your celebrity self:

Example:
"Tabor is a cobag, but I'd do him, he seems cuddly"-teh l4m3

Chuckles is a Chunderrocketcomuffin

2006-01-05T11:42:00.000-08:00

HAHAAH!!!11!!12^9

EAT IT, COBINGO!!1!!11!!

loVE,

Maj. Shortssniffer

OK Hosebeasts

2006-01-05T00:59:00.000-08:00

You probably all got some fun stuffo for holidays, especially AG. What'd you get? Perhaps some cool CDs you'd like to tell us about? Three Bulls! got some CDs that we will mention in comments, which you may access for free with a click.

When Three Bulls! has lost Seitz, we've lost America.*

*a ruse to see if our beloved Seitz is still with us.

On the Assembly of Pork Voltron

2006-01-04T19:10:00.000-08:00

Well-rounded has the details of our Porktackular summit! So much pork that Chuckle's cobag could have reconstituted a McRib within about 20 minutes of starting.

I'll have more here later on the actual components, after I steal the images from those guys.

Estimated caloric intake of Nerdblog Thunderdome II: 4000 per nerd.

In attendance at various times: Pinko, pop renaissance, fulsome and Chuckles.

Why Do I Get The Feeling

2006-01-03T22:21:00.000-08:00

That Jack Abramoff is neutrino-like in his interactions with others. Practically massless, and certainly chargeless he passes through the vacuum of space and the center of the earth with almost equal speed. Truly a loner, a self-contained pit of decrepitude on the inside, coated in Silverstone™ on the outside, corrupting no other lonely souls with his non-existent sphere of influence. Gay Patriot has more. I love Gay Patriot. It's the je ne sais quoi, doncha know.

This Is a Test of the Ben Shapiro-Repulsion System

2006-01-03T22:11:00.000-08:00

Obviously it didn't work. I stole it from fatrobot. Go, torment him with your delightful and witty comments! See how it's really supposed to work. Excuse me while I get Ben some more Chex mix. Stupid internet.

Definition Watch

2006-01-03T11:13:00.000-08:00

See if YOU can spot it! HERE.

A hint! It's not dictionary.com, they're trying an end-around!

Let's try this on for size: Merriam-Websters defines a cobag as "The word you've entered isn't in the dictionary. Click on a spelling suggestion below or try again using the search box to the right."

What the online version of this esteemed dictionary fails to note is the written in ink, inserted definition of cobag as this total cobag here.

The New York Times and Our Anti-Criminal Playbook

2006-01-03T09:18:00.000-08:00

Why does the NYT continue to discuss openly the methods used by police to capture criminals? Now that they have leaked fingerprinting and DNA techniques to the public, criminals will certainly avoid leaving such avenues open for their capture. Shame, NYT, shame.

If I May Put One Leg Into Serious Pants

2006-01-03T01:16:00.000-08:00

I would like to suggest yet another reason why certain pro-NSA rifling through your life arguments are lacking, but why many Americans find it somehow palatable. I suggest it is the Napster syndrome and directly related to the level of perceived invasiveness. Additionally, it is related to the perception of the perpetrator being an impersonal and supposedly unbiased and objective computer.

Napster allowed millions to break the law effortlessly, therefore they did so, all the while making arguments about the new world, etc. etc. At some level it turned out to be a sort of electronic Boston Tea Party, forcing a paradigm shift in music sales and delivery.

Problem is, the government isn't allowed to disregard its own laws in order to protest or force the hand of allegedly outdated statutes, at least in a democracy that is governmed by actual laws.

In the case of the NSA skullduggery, the push of a button mentality surrounding the nature of the technology allows many to consider it the world's most frictionless lube. If you don't know you have been molested, were you? The crime is the same, the mechanism has changed and the crime burns less calories to commit, but it is fundamentally the same crime. Guess what? Still illegal. Now, if the American Public only had as much power as Metallica once did.

#1 On a List of Unfortunate Band Names That Will Be the Name of Our Band

2006-01-03T01:05:00.000-08:00

It kind of out Limp Bizkits Limp Bizkit, also Linkin Park. And it is knowingly cloacular, not ironically so or accidently so. More later on why this needs to be invented, and why it will be plastered on T-shirts and unfortunately tatooed buttocks from Six Meat to shootaliberal.

#1 On a List of Things That Should Exist

2006-01-03T01:03:00.000-08:00

Wilford Brimley's Prostate-An Unindicted Coconspirator?

2006-01-02T00:09:00.000-08:00

One thing about traveling to the heartland and being computer minus (science term) is that your reintroduction to the horrible and constantly degrading world of the world is via CNN Airport channel. I know that doesn't exist anymore, but I prefer to think of the bastardized and neutered CNN as CNN Airport channel, because it is like the Tab cola of news networks, whereas Fox is strychnine-laced Tab. Anyhoo, all the fusseroo was about the Justice Dept. opening an investigo into the NSA-story leaker. They were doing an awesome job of creating the false analogy with another leak, the Plame leak. It was enough to almost put me off my Popeyes chicken (DFW!). I said almost. Since all things leaky are apparently equivalent, Willy Brim's problem bladder best keep a low profile, because Daryn Kagan is gonna take a porfessional interest, and she is somewhat of an afficianado.

The Year Ends, The Night Begins

2005-12-31T23:14:00.000-08:00

Being friends with Jonah Goldberg has its privileges. Yeah, we hate each other, but that's what binds us together- he's got the cash and the multi-media empire, I've got the brains and you know he's always had a thing for Geenie C. We just pretend to like each other. Anyway, I'm swilling his VIP room champagne at the club, he thinks he's teaching me a lesson. He's trying to be edgy as he passes around a pack of clove cigarettes, although the Magnum PI lighter he got from Tom Selleck at an NRA meet-and-greet is not doing him any favors. Since this part of the club is starting to smell like a god-damned Christmas ham, I decide to check out the rest of the action.

Song: Pure Freak-downlowtooslow. Missy mashed with the androgynous misanthropes Placebo. Is this the mashup that proves you can mix Missy with anything? No, that's Missy plus some Bach fugue they played earlier.

Either way Brian Molko's sexual ambiguity is fitting because as I look across the dance floor, I see Chuckles is trying to find some more coats to check so he may continue to ply the coat check "girl" with suspect tips. Where's his babysitter?

Song: I Need a Spirit Machine-ccc. Norman Greenbaum, the Fabs, Goldfrapp. A killer.

Some conspicuous PDA on the floor- a Josh Duhamel lookalike and a trendo wearing a "librarians do it in the stacks" skirt become interwined. Young love indeed. Oh there's Fulsome, he's looking wistfully at the floor although it seems his g-friend wants his nerdly side at full-attention.

Song: Rip It Up-Orange Juice.

How did this get played? What's going on? I catch AG and Uncanny Canadian (Three Bulls!) sneaking out the door. Well, they'd had their hands all over each other all night, probably headed out of this ham and sausage festival. The first idea that something was amiss was when this song started playing and the tv above the bar stopped playing German Gay-ish semi-porn and started playing Patriots highlights. Oh, I see that Gavin M. and Brad R. have taken over the DJ booth. Looks like it is going to be Tom Brady and the Damned for the rest of the night.

Well they're doing the balloon drop and another New Years comes and goes. Jonah toasts the troops on his fake gimpy leg thinking of Jenna the whole time. Cheney's in the back room with the as-of-yet unmoved Ecstacy working Bobby Lightfoot over for channeling a damn good Lester Bangs. Blue Girl's drinking a tonic with lime cuz she's gonna take care of everyone's drunk ass. Troy been passed out in a sea of beef for at least an hour, he'd already had his own ball drop. Res, he hasn't left his little booth all night, looking both dour at the rest of us and smitten at the same time with his special someone. He's doing that thing where he gives you a weird, skeptical eyeball. It's like the eye of Sauron that one.

a and p were of course bickering over a's scarf left in the cab. p just wants to order a drink but a a) won't decide and b) want's to blog about p's assumed hegemony over a's drink choice. The Rev. of course merely has to say two not really words in his English accent and he pulls like 20 birds. He's fit, but by God, don't he know it.

All the cool kids scored like a million dates and were too cool for this club of miscreants, plus jexter got his eyeball chewed out by a chipmunk. aif is diversifying his portfolio as we speak. Auguste is trying out some poetry on some babe, but perhaps he has forgotten that the poetry already worked and that it is his wife. Halford, Chip and Baby Si-Si are busy building a spaceship with Take 5 bar wrappers while being watched by church police.

I ask Gavin to put on one little tune, one little Happy Monday's tune, the kids perk up, they hear the guy from Gorillaz' "Dare"...

Happy New Year, Cobaggos!

Three Bulls! Pulls Itself Up From the Unceasing River of Bullsh*t

2005-12-31T00:48:00.000-08:00

Only to flood you with a torrential downpour of unseemly and marginal content.

1. SeanS of shootaliberal has been bored by us. We must try harder to amuse him in his Nero-like debauched shell of existence.

2. We would like to thank American Airlines for our safe return to Teh Gay Bay, albeit with a probable blood clot inching it's way to our brains.

3. This joke has nothing to do with deadly wildfires, but more a meditation on a certain expression. Three Bulls! has noted the fondness of certain deliberate Southerners™ to call out to seemingly blurry, fast-moving Northerners™ "where's the fire?" as if to censure their haste. Three Bulls! would like to note that if that hypothetical fire were to be in Dallas-Ft. Worth International Airport, then everybody would be dead, certainly those ordering a sandwich for the apparent first time in their life.

4. We have been away from our Supercomputer of Webposting Extravagancy, we apologize, we know your lives have been inordinantly dimmed by the recent dullness of our shining star.

5. The doggies have survived their trip to the doggie holding center, although Smokedog seems put out by NSA spying. Pugman considers him a traitor and was merely happy to be safe. Also, since we are trafficking in hypotheticals, my good deeds saved countless millions of lives, because all those cobags I told to "eat it" did so. Don't ask me for proof. Also, I stopped 50 nuclear bombs using Jexter's laser. Turns out implacable nanobots actually can be placated by Take 5 bars. So next time somebody wants to leak my play book (thanks T. Lott, we needed to football analogize this terrorism situation, and way to drop Sun Tzu- maybe you meant General Tso [ed. can't find the quote]), they'd better think first, because they could be signing the death warrant of countless millions of hypothetical terror victims. To quote a famous man: "it could happen".

Implacable Nanobots Team Up With Panamanian Secret Police

2005-12-23T23:33:00.000-08:00

You wish, cobags. Sinster familial forces swirl about Three Bulls! headquarters. Geenie Cola's presence in the home hive is demanded by the Colacular Matriarch.

Some housekeeping:

1) Since everyone is gonna be posting lightly for the next while, why not take the opportunity of FINDING quotes for the contest. We can generate 76 comments on Yosef's disturbingly agile beer belly, yet our contest for extreme cobaggery, that should be easier than beating Jonah Goldberg in a three-legged race with himself, we have nothing. Not even babka (thanks USPS- see RoD bakeoff posts). We promised Take 5 bars to the winner, and that wasn't enough. Here is the link as proof. Other winner gets a Three Bulls! tee, and it doesn't have to be "THYCWOTI SAY RELAX" we're working on a Yosef themed Wham! one as well. More crap here.

2) We're not gonna get all mushy just because Baby J. demands it. We feel the same about everyone that we usually do. Our tiny black heart is filled with love for everyone. Even the party goers.

3) We spy with our little eye the goings on of the A-P Collective. Will their amazing shtick grate with time or grow lagubrious? As usual, we accord them respect as persons as persons. We remain skeptical of P, the gay conservative. Wethinks he's merely desirous of the attention of the vertitable stable full of STUDS that is the assorted Three Bulls! hangers on and more distantly related. See RoD, Freedom Camp and environs. A, A is enigmatic. We say no more in light of her refusing us respect as persons as persons.

4) Please tell your real world friends and your internet ones too how much you appreciate their little japes and hijinks done to amuse you during those fleeting moments when your iPod is recharging, keeping you from listening to "My Humps" or "Wonderwall" or some such.

5) Remember to cultivate your non-internet hobbies, jobs, relationships in the coming year.

6) Don't be anymore of a cobag than you need to be, but remember that there are certain times that you need to be more of a cobag.

7) Thank you to Yosef/THYCWOTI and Gregor/MomH/PupH and most importantly Kitty Kattwood doing it to the Prez 3B! style. Please remember the sacrifices of those who are lost and have yet to be found.

8) Reading blogs is stupid. Interacting with people and commenting and having fun is not stupid. Lurkers are encouraged to say hey, not even here. Give Auguste some props, for example. Tell teh than you appreciate him when he gets all serious. Tell spacemonkey he's a goddamned cobag, but do it with a smile, because we aim to be a higher class of cobag. That's why we're so Raven!

9) Also, don't let porking babes take the edge off your beer pong game.

10) Since AG just had a stroke at that last link, consider a donation to charity, and not your local weed dealer, pop ren.

11) Pinko Punko and assorted hangers on will return in one week.

12) Monday

13) Goldberg

14) Theatre

15) JANUARY

16) DID I SAY THAT!*

*™Bobby Lightfoot, god love him.

Amazon! Amazon!

2005-12-23T01:47:00.000-08:00

No Jonah Goldberg hasn't reviewed anything in awhile. The Poor Man News Team has a find concerning the poor man's O'Reilly, Johnny Gibson. We're spineless so we'll pull an Insty "disturbing, if true" (thanks, Ron Mexico) although that's like watching CSI and pretending you don't get off on the dead bodies and hot chicks getting creatively mangled. Don't pretend, cobags. Although, from this story it looks like Johnny G. might be fun to have over and watch football with the cat. It's like an alcohol fueled trainwreck that arrives at your personal theatre of the macabre pre-lubed. Don't even have to waste any of your Steel Reserve.

Update

2005-12-22T22:54:00.000-08:00

A-P COLLECTIVE:

*BEEP*

You wouldn't love us if we were E-Z cheezy. Only regular commenters and bloggin ROCK stars get the full shiatsu and bathouse or is it bathhouse treatment? (Teh, help me out)

Pinko loves you. THYCWOTI must be satisfied- he has the keys to the blogrollio.

Our Kind of Cobag, but Demanding

2005-12-22T19:27:00.000-08:00

Red, White and Polyamorous, but not actually polyamorous. That would be Mr. Nice Guy, who seems like...a nice guy! It's another dimension at RWP, one we expect to be littered with brandy-soaked cigarillos and Strunk and White's Elements of Style-Law School Edition. And broken hearts. And Smarties.

Ah, the Medical Devices Profession

2005-12-22T10:51:00.000-08:00

I'm sure they'll start advocating for research ethics panels, and they'll claim Einstein and Darwin are quite fat. You know what? There are certain reasons why industries need to be regulated. One of them is that they will literally steal the bones of a beloved grandfather figure to make substandard prosthetic devices. Oh yeah, link here. Maybe the AEI could advocate "GPCs- grandpa bone credits" where unethical funeral directors can buy and sell excess grandpa bones to minimize grandpa bone emissions. Maybe they can offer people tax credits for people that find out that grandpa's bones have been stolen. I'm sure these and other solutions will be less damaging to the economy than regulation. For more on why burying grandpa with his bones intact may be bad for the environment, and how this grandpa bone deficit just suggests that the market should be more optimally exploited, please go to Tech Central Station and John Stossel: "Helping Grandpa's body take up less space by sequestering his bones for your own good."

On the Digby Thing

2005-12-21T18:22:00.000-08:00

Seriously Eff Digby. What a cobag. Positively Hilzoy-esque in his preparation and thoughtfulness. You know what that does? That makes the rest of us look like cobagging cobaggios. You want to shame them as they deserve? Then kick them some funds or some nominations for the Koufax awards. They'll never forgive themselves while we effortlessly smirk.Oh, look, is that Digby? No, it's us. It's how Digby makes us look with his trying. Oh look, we missed the penalty because of stupid Digby. DIGBY DIGBY DIGBY. That's all I ever hear these days!

Sandies (mmmm...)

2005-12-21T13:41:00.000-08:00

Pecan sandies! Oops! I meant the Koufax awards!

Look, we know that 3B! is the greatest blog on earth that has the number 3, the word bulls, and the word blogspot in the url, but not everyone is aware. We would like you, our loyal 4 readers (and Chuckles), to take some time to go here and nominate 3Bulls for the only categories that we would really belong in:

A) Best Expert Blog - for our work on shooting lasers at crystals in the Puget Sound while taking a break from diagramming the cellular structure on differential equations; and Ric Flair.

2)Best Series that doesn't run any more even though it was funny as bubbles because Pinko got too busy and tired to do it anymore (and the rats ate MJ.) (I didn't even see any other ones nominated for this category.)

C)Most Deserving Lesser Recognition.

IV)Best Commenter - your choice, Der Commissar or Seth.

Remember, it's your civic duty. I've got purple fingers, do you?

UPDATE: Plenty of people parading purple pfingers (damn, that last alliterative didn't work did it?)

Best Expert Blog: 3Bulls! at 3bulls.blogspot.com

Posted by: Chuckles | December 21, 2005 10:59 PM

Best single issue blog: 3Bulls!

Posted by: shingles | December 21, 2005 11:55 PM

Three Bulls! run to the BEEF!

2005-12-21T12:44:00.000-08:00

OK Kids, let's get this out in the open. We are targeting Gumbah's in Vallejo for RUN TO THE BEEF. After New Year's, sooner rather than later. Fulsome is in, pop ren? Teh L4m3? Also if you are a Three Bulls! commenter and you happen to live in the vicinity of the BA and you hate your life enough that you want to blow some precious free time with our motley crew, shoot me a line and we will arrange. 3bulls, gmail, you know the rest.

Contest Entries Go Here

2005-12-21T01:16:00.000-08:00

...in this here thread. We'll be voting later. Keep them coming. I know it is hard to find comments some places, amidst all the trackbacks.

ALSO, what do you guys think of this? I think it could be trend. I don't know if we can do oversize, though. POSSIBLE contest prize!

What Is This Throbbing, Fleshy Bolus of Meat Junk?

2005-12-21T00:23:00.000-08:00

FIND OUT AT DELICIOUS OR DISGUSTING.

Lunchtime Poll and CONTEST!

2005-12-20T01:22:00.000-08:00

Since none of you bizzie lizzies really nominated anyone for a Golden Onion Wiener award, let's try a different tack. I want to see examples of the absolutely worst comments you can possibly find. We need some ground rules and a contest. The finder of the most inane comment will receive a decent sized pile of Take 5 bars and the finder of the most illogical (EDIT two kinds of inane are just too similar) comment will receive a Three Bulls! tee, including a shot at a possible special edition! For the ground rules, we basically need to decide whether we're going to allow the eazy cheezie low hanging fruit to be plucked (i.e. Free Republic or LGF)? Up to you loafwads. I am your humble servant.

Because They Think That They Can

2005-12-19T22:07:00.000-08:00

Prove them wrong.

The Duchy of Teeny Tiny Wiener

2005-12-19T10:33:00.000-08:00

Declares that it has a divine right to ocean access and a port on the Adriatic. Furthermore, we declare right of passage via the Lower Danube. Any infringement upon our national sovereignity will be met with forceful actions. The Citizens of Teeny Tiny Wiener also demand a levy of Enzyte from Wingery, as they have more than enough for themselves. We encourage the enemies of Teeny Tiny Wiener to EAT IT COBAGGIOS.

True Christmas Spirits: Yelling, Swearing and Causing Mayhem

2005-12-19T09:37:00.000-08:00

Hey Kids this is a link! --> Dang, this makes me proud to be a Kiwi!

The Mirror Universe Has Two Faces-Evil Spock and Super Evil Spock

2005-12-19T06:25:00.000-08:00

Imagine an Evil Spock more Evil that this one, a Super Evil Spock, trained in illogic and unreason, fighting terrorists for liberty. I know. I KNOW. IT'S HARD.

UPDATE: You just watched the press conference. Was that effluent de cobag anymore convincing? The only thing I am convinced of is Super Evil Spock is having his day, preparing for the time when we will all be forced into EAT IT COBAG camps.

Three Bulls have previously discussed the alternate universe that resides on the other side of the aisle. This is not the same universe where Evil Spock has a beard. In this other other universe, Super Evil Spock devilishly concocts illogical contrivances unequaled in the history of human thought. And this illogic is the exact logic that will capture and spear the hearts of al Qaeda and Iraqi insurgents alike, the emotionally fragile terrorist networks with low self-esteem.

Remember how easily these terrorists can be emboldened? Hillary-Hairy Legs orders a soy-chai? al-Zarqawi opens an "IED" factory. Sergio Slappypants marries his boyfriend in quaint P-Town ceremony? Taliban units regroup, grow some opium.

See the whole time, George W. Bush, he's been playing it cool, with the help of Super Evil Mr. Spock. He's been saying that he's going after the bad guys and he's serious, but all they know is that he didn't seem really serious when he let bin Laden go at Tora Bora. But that's part of the plan. The other part of the plan, linking Iraq with al Qaeda, and then invading Iraq (the whole time al Qaeda is all "sphincter say what?"). All this crazy behavior could only lead them to do one thing: lower their defenses. All of their defenses except one. The warrant detecter. al Qaeda have always operated in an incredibly cavalier fashion. When Zarqawi calls me up, I see his name right there on the caller ID, in fact he insists we talk on speaker phone in a public place and that I can't use my code name, and I must refer to him always by full name. In fact, when he comments on Three Bulls! he has a little gravatar with his picture on it. He feels he can be this way because G. Dub hasn't really been serious at all about terrorism or the never-ending war on terror.

That would have been his fatal mistake except the douchey New York Times screwed it up (here's Hilzoy with the drama and details). Al Qaeda's last defense was always their ability to detect any and all warrants issued for determining any criminal activity. Even warrants issued by rubber stamp secret courts! You see? But we were circumeventing their little plan by skipping the warrants, and how would they ever know? Without the New York Times' grave treason, al Qaeda would still be ordering Triple Whoppers using credit cards in their own names!!! We even had al Zarqawi in custody and let him go, just in the hopes of apprehending him in a much more humiliating way, like at a Medieval Times matinee with Anna Nicole Smith! NOW THEY WILL KNOW TO BE MORE CAREFUL. They have eluded the skillful trap set by our Iraq masquerade, a trap set with thousands of deaths Iraqi and American alike. F*** you New York Times cobags, how could you?

That's just what G. Dub and Super Evil Spock want you to think- here's the deal- you're thinking, nobody could believe such an outrageous claim as the fact that America's hands are supposedly tied by due-process and civil rights. That just doesn't sound like the claim of a sane or serious person. And that is exactly what Super Evil Spock wants you to think. It's the old double switch, my friends. I predict with every increasingly laughable assertion of illogic and cobaggery, crack American teams of cunning masterminds will be bringing al Qaeda down, one MySpace account at a time.

Uh, Can You Cobags Get Over to Wampum

2005-12-16T21:56:00.000-08:00

and nominate Teh (actual quality) or Yosef/THYCWOTI (more coasting on rep) for best commenter in the Koufax awards. For Teh, use this post as evidence. Go here to nominate.

Shhhh!!

2005-12-16T12:46:00.000-08:00

Okay, Me. Ow. Barrachus. You've got your swim gear, and we've got WRN all nice and relaxed. Now's the time for you to swim over there under cover of lunchtime and set up the "weapon"!

Fulsome will never know what hit him!!!

ROTFLMEOW!!!!11!!12!!13!!!14!!

Temporary Truce with WRN

2005-12-16T07:31:00.000-08:00

Seems that Fulsome got scared after my attacks yesterday and wants to call a truce of cuteness. Well, maybe I can lull him into believing the truce will be long lasting with these:

I Kind of am in a Snit

2005-12-16T01:39:00.000-08:00

So Twisty just moved from Typepad to Word Press, and she has all this cool crap on her thingy. Should we pick up and move 3B!? Will it be a huge mess, or should we just not do anything and eat candy bars all day?

Line of the Day

2005-12-15T23:49:00.000-08:00

"Anyway, none of this excuses Steyn, who must have broken a record here for how much of the lips and assholes of wingnutisms he's managed to cram into the html sausage casing the Sun-Times, for some reason, has provided."

RETARDO at Elementropy.

WE HAVE A TAKE FIVE SITUATION

2005-12-15T20:50:00.000-08:00

Hersheys has diversified that mother****er. Can we get a report on that PRONTO???
HALFORD is on the case.

Oh Res, We Try to Support You, Not Tear You Down!

2005-12-15T13:52:00.000-08:00

As usual, click for larger, still obscure joke.

Shocking News from WRN!!one

2005-12-15T10:32:00.000-08:00

We have recently learned that Fulsome and Chuckles have been trying to wage a war on 3B! They even designed uniforms for their attacks. 3B! intelligence has returned this photo of Fulsome in his uniform!:

Look, Fulsome, just because y'all are low on cats, this isn't going to fool anyone into thinking you've got new recruits.

Well Rounded Illiterates

2005-12-15T09:21:00.000-08:00

So after trying to get into the blogwars in a satirical manner, it seems that some obscure blog called Well Rounded Nerds has taken my satirical ramblings seriously and think 3B! is lame enough to actually start a blogwar. We were obviously just joking about it, but the Fulsome guy thinks that we were serious. I guess stupid lefties can't be bothered with reading comprehension.

Update: They went so far as to post a ridiculous photo of PP and myself. I guess you know you've made it as a blogger when someone photoshops a lime on your hea... er, puts a photo of cows calling them you up. Someone should put this photo on the side of a soda bottle for us.

Musical Wallpaper

2005-12-14T23:26:00.000-08:00

I had to drive into the city tonight. I listen to the radio. I don't bring a CD, because I like to listen to the radio in the car, even if it sucks as it always does. Occasionally the c*ck rock station will come through with Hell Bent for Leather (Priest) or Sin City (the 'DC) that I can ironically* enjoy while dodging Escalades and Cayennes in the love boat I'm pedaling a la Fred and Barney. I simply cannot abide the supposedly harmless type songs that can be played across multiple formats so you're likely to run across them up and down the dial. For example the intensely mediocre "Feel Good Inc." by Gorillaz. There have been 5 better songs in iTunes ads ALONE, and that might even include the impossibly derivative Jet. There is nothing wrong with the song, but what makes it that it can be heard on three different stations simultaneously? AS I HEARD IT just the other day. Other songs bands in this boring/harmless category: almost any Red Hot Chili Peppers song.

Seriously, nothing says you are phoning it in more. I'm not even ripping the Chilis, I'm ripping the lazy asses that think someone wants to hear that another 700 times a week. And now there is a format that has every single one of those songs from every decade, and it's called "Alice" or "Mike" or "Bob" or some other corporate douchery. What the hell is it called in your city? "Dave?" "Cobwagon?" You know, I can't even blame the corporate programmers that are trying to "make the most people happy". No, they are making the most average and lazy people happy. The people that would listen to the radio NO MATTER WHAT because they are so lazy they would never turn it off. Check out these charts of songs people are playing on their own computers. Given the choice, they're like little rats hitting the cheeze button in the lab for the same old same old.

Of course, jedmunds will crow about how Wonderwall is somehow in the Top 10, and I will respond "Eat it, cobag." With love, of course.

*not ironically.

I Have a Confession

2005-12-13T22:17:00.000-08:00

So all this talk about "gun cakes" and such and the big controversy at TBOGGs and Politburo Diktat (I can't link because I don't know what I'm linking to, cuz I got banned. Fine, I'll link, you can tell me about it in comments) has led me to an honest moment. One of the reasons I was so culturally insensitive about Frank's cake with a big wiener symbol on it, er, I mean a handgun, is that Geenie C. and myself celebrated OUR wedding with an even gayer cake. I think that is the right word. Troy could have popped out of the gun cake sporting, and it would have been less well, you'll see. I think I was projecting weird feelings having been awakened by the gun cake. See, Geenie Cola and I celebrated our love with a TOP GUN cake.
I'm represented by the majestic A10 Warthog, while Geenie C. is represented by the indeterminate possible F-14 Tomcat. "Flying together forever in Enduring Love formation, blazing through Freedom's skies into life's adventure"

Handy! Clip and Save!

2005-12-13T17:57:00.000-08:00

Now making insulting of your sworn enemy even easier it's the handy 3BInsultobox2006! Simply select a word from Column A, combine it with Column B, type, and enjoy! It's that easy!!

	A	B
1	chump	wad
2	douche	muffin
3	chunder	nugget
4	co	wagon
5	collaca	bag

For that elegant variation, which is oh so important in the hipster circles, we are including the randomnizeromatic feature...at...no...additional...cost!

Using the random numbers generated below, select a word from the row corresponding to the first number from Column A followed by a word selected from the row corresponding to the second number from Column B. Follow the random numbers in sequence until you run out (refills extra).

235131!21231235443245243!1124354345314234513525423512314354311132543454432
1542132553412413425445314512451451425243514534214341241242435321234232!135

OK, Just About Done With This

2005-12-13T15:34:00.000-08:00

I'm a wee bit tired of having to take screen shots of my comments. Also, Chuckles may or not be getting hosed. Who knows?

Damn It, Blog Boy, You Double Posted

2005-12-13T14:39:00.000-08:00

That's a case o' Keystone, cobag. Drop and give Troy 50 nice and sweaty pushups.

I hope Jedmunds isn't pissed.
Click for bigger size and no laughs!

The Commissar Doesn't Play Fair

2005-12-13T12:40:00.000-08:00

He's editing comments. Nice, he can't even come over here and tease us, he's gotta play dirty birdy.

Caught with his hand in my cookies! Maybe if he reaches around....
UPDATE! Homeslice banned me, let's see if it worked:
I sure hate to generalize, but ancient lefty saying "cobag start what cobag finish lest he be considered cobag."