Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Not Even Worth Your Time Dispirited Alcohol Post.

Communist Boozing.


In honor of the uterus police and John Hinderaker's hackery apotheosis and AIF, we bring you the Cuba Libre. Now, with American coke, dark rum is fine and imparts a deeper flavor. However, with Mexican coke (sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup) there is a decidedly different flavor. Now we are more versed in the delightfulness of sugar Coke than you will ever be, but we are not knee-jerk reactionaries on the issue.

Only mindless cobags spouting off acres of crap and who shop at Urban Outfitters just namecheck foreign coke as "better". Why should you trust them? They read it in a magazine, a magazine with ads that do not cater to Three Bulls! readers, a magazine that probably caters to the Richie McRicherburg whose Hummer Smokey just poop-painted. The Panamanian Secret Police would like to question him about this crap crime, but he just looked cute and my mouth was full of a Take 5 bar so I couldn't say anything. Then, I shot them in the face with the Rolo gun. Also, for the hell of it: implacable nanobots.

The point of that last paragraph was to indicate that no magazine could be clique-ier or more elitist than this here webpage, so our opinion should be more valued than some douchey dinglechunk.

Anyway, the endless and soul-crushing inanity that constantly degrades us- I'm looking at you Dean Esmay (I wanna see you treat Rosemary to Red Hot Lovers on East U.- nobody ever called it that when Three Bulls! went there, and I expect to hear about it- not some one line bullsh*t, I wanna hear about every little detail, up to but not including the passage of the food from your digestive system- I wanna see some real bloggery). Anyway, since we were driven to drink and we had the means at our disposal, we did so. The moral of the story is that yummy Jamaican dark rum and yummy Mexican coke are together TOO sweet and require EXTRA lime for a perfec Cuba Libre, and it takes a Pinko to know that. If I may quote Fidel:

"While delightful, Coke made with sugar has a more peppery and cinnamon front end, followed by an almost sugar cane back end for a sweeter taste, while Coke with high-fructose corn syrup has peppery front end that follows through a more caramel back end, thus for drinking with stronger flavored dark rum is surprisingly more appropriate. Mexican coke is perfectly delightful however with spicy taco truck tacos."

If I keep drinking will Assrocket start to make sense?

Ed- only if it's Orange Death, and the sugar high causes a Diabetic pre-coma.