Friday, November 11, 2005

The Hand of Doom is Nigh

I can't be too hard on you kids. That being said, in this democracy of idiocy, Three Bulls! is whatever you want it to be. Do you want it to be an overt cesspool of degrading filth, or an implied cesspool of degrading filth? Are our imaginations so burnt out that they need explicit detail? Perhaps. That being said, I have forwarded the party thread to the producers of The Aristocrats (not The Aristocats, although that would be equally appropos) as it was incredibly funny, albeit off-putting to the psyches of our more gentle-readers.

Punishments:

Yosef: I broke into your house and deleted a message from a couple of Carolina cheerleaders. They wanted you to meet them in the bathroom of some place called Banana Joe's. I don't know what that was about, but they said it was a "one time only" deal. I didn't think you would mind, considering 10 of your kids need to be treated for alcohol poisoning.


AG: Clearly, you were out of control. I Blame the Patriarchy. Anyhoo, you are forbidden to fraternize with Chuckles for a week, obviously a partner in crime. You are sentenced to read 100 posts at The Corner, and two-word K-Lo posts don't count. You could start here, and put some of you anger issues to work on the Loaded Pantaloons (make sure you hit "Still Missing The Point"). You may report on this at Republic of Dogs. Also, make sure to take the full course of Pony-Clap shots, the Editors said the pony they sent over was actually meant for I Hate Horses, kind of like biological warfare. He had no idea what was gonna happen to that pony over here.

pop renaissance: The musician in you will always out. I take it we have you to blame for the TV in the bathtub? You are sentenced to continue Mr. Snickerdoodle ad nauseum, because he is hilarious. Although, does Mr. Smickerdoodle hand roll? Of all the annoying affectations, I never would have pegged him as an American Spirit cobag.

Chuckles
: I am concerned that Chuckles is a sociopath. He is forbidden from using the vodka hot tub, dating undergrads, and discussing his various excretions. At least the Dune blogging is well, more the kind of stupid we like around here. The rest of that thread only proves our sad point, however. Learn how to spell Kwisatz Haderach, cobags!1!!!!!

fulsome
: I can't imagine having to actually know Chuckles. This is punishment enough for poor fulsome, who I must say appeared relatively blameless in the whole affair.

res publica: How can I be mad? The man pork-blogs! Also, he's got enough to handle now that AG is playing with internet fire over there.

teh l4m3: Teh's whole existence is about crossing any and all lines, it is only a problem when the rest of the gang crosses the line with him. However, his single-handed defeat of Arnold has won him our respect and a reprieve.

Gregor Samsa: Thanks for keep this wrickety wreck in chickety check all week, it is appreciated, even though instead of not understanding Three Bulls! our dear shrinking violet readers now think they know a little bit too much. Your punishment is to eat at Taco Christ. Oh, I see that you have already satisfied your sentence. Well done on the Mexi-fries.