Hi guys!

So PP moved 3bulls to a site I can't figure out how to work. I think he's trying to get rid of me. Unfortunately for him, the original 3B! is still operational and I still have access! I am commandeering this blog to be the sole domain of THYCWOTI!!!! All must bow before me who come here!





They can't hack it without me over at New 3B!. They'll soon come crawling back, begging me to let them back on this site, but it will never, ever happen.

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This post could go two ways

One way could be all:
BLOGGGGGGGGGGGGGGERRRRR!!!!!!!!!

Stabbing at thee's heart from hell, yadda yadda. But Blogger has been good to Three Bulls and we will miss the old "fixer-upper converted ranch" that has been 3B and environs.

The time has come for the kids to put on their Huggies Pull-Ups and head for the wilds of blog.3bulls.net. If the mountains of Bolivian coke and/or closely held photos we have of you led you to link to us before, we encourage you to update your linky and to spread the word. Please everyone get a buddy and hop on over to the new place. We're still under the chassis pretending we know what's going on but we're really just reading SadNo! Comics down there. It would be awesome for everyone to sign in at the new place, just so we know you are OK. Even if you have decided you hate us or that we are cobags. Or that you think only cobags use the word cobag. Which would make us cobags. Does that bother you?

-The Management

PS. We actually just spied a tear in our little eye when packing up the Rolo gun.

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MAJOR THREE BULLS! ANNOUNCEMENT ON FRIDAY

Everybody grab a buddy and check in on Friday, and bring traveling pants/sensible footwear. So teh will be showing up in 15 inch platties. Also, could somebody tell Res? THANKS

-Pinko from Myanmar

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Where's Pinko?????

Anybody have any ideas where Pinko Punko is? Adorable Girlfriend posits:

I think he's dating Marie Jon. He doesn't want anyone finding out though. Either that or the fling he had with Ann Coulter may have been more than we think.

Anybody care to post their own ideas?

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Friday Musical Poop Shoot

3 Bulls needs content and the world needs music. I provide you both. You're welcome. Why is Pinko away? The world awaits with bated breath. Word on the street is that something big is happening, but nobody knows the nature of the news. Has google censored Pinko Punko or is this fallout from that picture of Pinko with Abramoff? Stay tuned .....

1. Fruit Bats - The Little Acorn
This song so good I have it in my music collection twice. Today it is coming up randomly from the Jason Lytle of Grandaddy compilaton CD Below the Radio. Fruit bats are kind of poppy country and this song ends with the most wonderful electronic Grandaddyesque keyboards. 9.5/10

2. Death Cab for Cutie - Death Of An Interior Decorator
I think the best part of this song is the title. It marks a complete departure of DCFC from their old slowcore lyrical ways to their new MTV-friendly sound. It's not that the new sound is bad, but it's just not as interesting to me. 6.5/10

3. Heather Nova - We Can Work It Out
From the I am Sam compilation of Beatles covers. I don't know why I dislike this version so much. The arrangement of the song is relatively unchanged and the song is great. I guess I really really don't like her voice and singing style. 6/10

4. The Bruces - Mountain
Why has nobody heard of The Bruces? They kind of sound like Clem Snide, but a little cleaner sounding and more melancholy. Pitchfork should have been all over these guys. Mountain is a beautiful song and has interesting features of a number of other bands that I really like. 8.5/10

5. The Strokes - 12:51
The backlash against the Strokes came so quickly and predictably, that people forgot to hate their second CD and saved all the fake hate for their latest CD. 12:51 is so typically Strokes that to call their music simply derivative misses the whole point of the Strokes. Definitely one of the best tracks on a great CD, handclaps and all. 9/10

6. Beulah - Burned By The Sun
Interestingly, this song is also on the Under The Radio collection, but this one comes straight from the sun-drenched CD The Coast Is Never Clear. This song is almost too straight-up poppy for me, but the chorus is really really good and redeems the tweeness. I love Beulah. 9/10

7. The Fiery Furnaces - Wolf Notes
This song is f*cked up. It's the most addictive sounding piece of cacophony I have ever heard at the beginning. Oh but wait, it's the Fiery Furnaces so the song just completely changes halfway through into a majestic poppy piano-fueled masterpiece. It's almost post-prog. I don't know. Fiery Furnaces are geniuses. 10/10

8. The White Stripes - I Think I Smell A Rat
Good lyrics. Good beat. Good guitar. This is the stripped-down and raw version of the White Stripes that drew critical acclaim to begin with. This is a very good track from a very very good CD. 9/10

9. Holopaw - Abraham Lincoln
Hmm, strange that I have yet another artist that vaguely falls in the alt-coutnry rootsy category. Holopaw sound a lot like Fruit Bats and The Bruces. What draws me to this track are the lyrics. I don't know what they mean but all kinds of references to the deer and the antelope playing give this song a lot of Americana feel. And that's a good thing. 8.5/10

10. Sterolab - Nihilist Assault Group
Trancy and very good music from Mars Audiac Quartet. Now there's a good track name from a good CD name. I guess it's self-explanatory. 8/10

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The Cobags Won

I'm too upset to breakdown the election, but it's a very sad day for me and for all Canadians with a social conscience. With only about 36% of the popular vote, giant cobag Stephen Harper is now the Canadian Prime Minister. This is a defeat for everything that I love about Canada. It's a defeat for social justice. It's a defeat for women's rights. It's a defeat for unity. It's a defeat for ethnic groups. It's a defeat for gay men and women. It's a defeat for health care. It's a defeat for education. It's a defeat for a balanced budget. It's a defeat for keeping a voice independent of America. It's a defeat for the poor. Canada is f***ed. Really royally f***ed. Pretty sad that about half the country voted for our two socially liberal party, The Liberals and New Democrats, yet we are now going to be run by the neo-cons. Thank goodness for the one voice of sanity in North America ...... Mexico. Sigh. I'm going to get drunk now.

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IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

Besides Yosef-related football stuff, the larval Three Bulls! is going into a chrysalis state and will emerge "better" with 20% more cobaggery, etc in maybe a week or two. Watch this space for announcements. Pinko will be around at the various places upon the Three Bulls! blogroll. We're doing it for you kiddos.

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Proud, Proud are We.

[Mystery revealed]
We are proud that our nation's foremost waffle-lover had to watch Sci-Fi Friday to come to the conclusion:

I'd have to check with Ramesh and Kathryn, but my guess is that using blood cells from the unborn to save lives when there is no harm to the fetus is probably acceptable to some pro-lifers and at least it would change the moral calculus.

Why would you have to check with Ramy and K. Lo? Somebody else is doing your moral calculus? And why not examine the scientific literature? Something tells me that if Battlestar Galactica is prompting debate for you...never mind. It's not worth it. Forget I said anything. Teh l4m3 on the same, but with more gusto.

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We Cannot Divulge Our Sources

But sometime between 10 pm and 11 pm EST, Jonah Goldberg creamed his Pillsbury Doughpants. I guar-on-tee. He might have also pooped. His excitement would have been palpable.

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12 Seahawks Street

Crap, I don't think I can keep up arch-nemesising these metacobags. I'm having so much fun! They are freaking hilarious, too! (Except for the fact that they think cobag is not a good insult while using the tired old cliche stereotype of us country bumpkins is downright AWESOME!!!!1!)

Witness exhibit a:

In a post about the infamous Carolina Panthers Cheerleaders, alba notes that although the squad is called the TopCats, at least one of these 2 should be a Bottomcat.

You add this to Bluefoot's comments here, you can't deny the awesomitude of these guys.

Even if they are wrong about the game this Sunday: Panthers 27 - Seahawks 21

[added: 3B! is 12 Seahawks Street's enemy blog of the week! Finally, some real recognition!]

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We Just Got Pst0mized

We are total cobags. We got pst0mized by Seahawk dude! We're not too much of cobags to admit quality when we see it. Yosef?

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Uh Oh. Guess Who is Suiting Up For 12 Seahawks Street. Thank Goodness He's Only in the Stands.

Yosef, why did you call Steve Largent a cobag? WHY? Since people don't know what it means, you haven't caused the pain and suffering you desired!

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THIS JUST IN!!!!!!!!!

Seattle Seahawks first team ever to be disrespected or looked past by cabal known as the "media"!!!!

I DID NOT KNOW THAT*

*Chumpwagon Chickadee on a Triscuit, people! I was going to root for the Seahawks, but it turns out some of their fans are metacobags. alba is cool, though.

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ALERT!

DO NOT PERFORM THIS GOOGLE SEARCH! You might get in trouble with Johnny Law.
God help you if your debauched predilections go this far.

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Cobag U.

"Hi, my name is tree Treacherously Poised Over Pedestrian Walkway Blown Over By Storm DECEMBER 29th (TPOPWBOBS). I'm on the campus that brought you Condoleeza Rice. What are the odds I will be removed in a timely fashion. Oh, by the way, what day is it?"

"Uh...."

In other news, whose up for BLOGGING MAN!!!!! I would give a billion gummi bears to someone if they could slip in a fake bio of Pammie on this page.
Let's be serious por uno momento. We really really need suggestions for casting the role of Pammie in MGT. Airbushing clothes on a naked Bratz doll is out. Something more symbolic is what we are looking for. We have two nominations so far:

1) CG says barbie with Smokey turd head. Seems unsanitary.

2) PP says hole in the ground. Possibly hard to represent with limited set budget.

???

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Confusing

For this week, I have a new arch-nemesis. It's a collective arch-nemesis, embodied by a blog that I first learned of through one of the Charlotte Observer's Panthers Blog. It's a Seahawks blog called 12 Seahawks Street.

Now, please note that this will only be my arch-nemesis until after Sunday (when the Panthers will beat down the Seachickens (yeah, I know, not too clever)) at which point in time I will return to arch-nemesising Nathan Tabor and/or Judson Cox.

The posters at 12 Seahawks Street are a strange mix of helpful, insightful, crude, idiotic, smart, homophobic, misogynistic, and downright nice.

Everytime I go there, I come away with a different feeling. alba is definitely nice, not to mention she was hot in Dark Angel. disclaimer: alba may not really be Jessica Alba.

Anyway, they have shown a certain penchant for thinking the rest of the world doesn't exist, but then that may just be how Seattle always is. They are very clever, creating new jokes about people from the south no one has ever thought of before. One of them even came up with a new word - redneck! How creative and original.

They are obviously averse to fact-checking as they make up stats to show why the Panthers are the worst team to ever step on the gridiron.

So, until Monday, I promise to fight the good fight and stay strong against this new menace. After that, I'll either become friends with these people or never go to that site again. Who knows.

[added: PP, we love you. MGT! MGT! MGT!

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Awesome. Asian Stock Markets in the Toilet.

What? You can't sell people enough desktop computers every year to keep up chip demand? Thanks to our moronic overlords we are now require disposable society to float the economy and destroy the environment. I can only buy so much crap that I don't need before I run out of money. All to fuel friggin' hedge funds that hold onto stocks for 60 days so that CEO STAGMC can buy his own personal island and dine on the brains of an illegal alien while his bulimic playgirl daughter entertains Greek shipping magnates and experiments with the Olsen twins. I can't wait for STAGMC's new product- the Head Flattener "now your flat head holds more of our sh*t."

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Oh the Boredom

I am feeling lackamalaisical. Gregor has gone to Ethiopia. Yosef is otherwise stirring up crap on Seahawks' blogs. I tried to get someone to put up some Seattle crap vs. some Carolina crap, but we'll see. I don't think anyone really wants to tussle with some dude named Yosef. The cobags of the world have gone forth and lo, do they multiply. Someone parking their gargantuan hosebeast SUV in a compact spot while talking on the phone loudly listening to their coPod while making sweet love to their ice cream cone could not constantly degrade me more than my general feeling of degradation right now. Its kind of like when Scott McLellan opens his mouth and you are forced to listen.

You might as well spend a little effort on a little clicky and see the Rev. Schmitt being thoughtful about some loafmuffin's internet pollution. The at-least-trying-but-wrong respondos here. I only point it out because I wish more debates could be like this and not the flame war variety, where the cobags drag you down with their idiocy and constant degradation, and claim you do the same.

I can't even get up enough juice to give SeanS the old Three Bulls! treatment. Sigh.

Well, the cameroni did come today, I guess I should start working on MGT. But nobody wants to see that, do they?

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Survival Tips-The Urine Soaked Tenderloin Edition

When traveling amongst the peoples of the world and various cultures and what have you, there are certain courses of action that will lead you to success. Here are our tips for surviving The Urine Soaked Tenderloin (TUSTOSAN) of San Francisco.

1) Fortify yourself with Thai food. Spicy.

2) Remember that in TUSTOSAN any and all surfaces are covered in urine.

3) If you are going to the trouble to be annoying interpretive dance girl, silhouetted in the bright rope lights of Kimo's, do NOT wear either unfortunately clunky yet somehow tight-fitting cargo pants OR duct tape a foot long Subway Sweet Onion Teriyaki Sub to your ass, because the results are the same and from the back of the room we couldn't tell the difference. We were convinced it was a sandwich because Teh L4m3 expressed in no uncertain terms that he wanted to take a bite outta that 'wich, and he's not really playing on your side of the bracket, if you know what I mean.

4) When hanging out with Pop Renaissance and his blast from the past shimmery, shiny, hazy shoegaze band Hope Chest, be prepared to be infected with the hug bug. Pop Ren likes to hug, and pretty soon we were all doing it. I think I got away without having to hug fulsome, and that would have been an awkward, unfortunate, and cloacular hug.

5) Beware the Kimo's bs weak drinks. You might be tempted to go into some other place and right the ship, not realizing your internal drinks meter has been compromised. Then you will suffer.

6) Offer to buy the last, deadly round, then run out of money and have Richie McRichieburg bail you out.

7) Bob's donuts. The best Apple Fritter ever to be conceived or implemented. A veritable pure heroin-like blast compared the bargain basement OxcContin that is Krispy Kreme (you are on notice Yosef).

8) Remember to thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for placing an unbelievably convenient Port-O-John on the route home, removing any need for an unfortunate urine-soaking of Pacific Heights.

9) Hydrate.

Other notes

Hope Chest played "Tears" by Chameleons but an even swirlier and shimmery arrangement. It would have even sounded good if I had sung, that's how good it sounded.

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For J-Money

If you have 10 people review an album, those 10 people will have 10 different reviews, and collectively these reviews can each be seen as a solution to the "problem" of "how good the album is". The 10 dimensional space that each of these reviews cover when considered collectively maps out a unique solution space for each album. For universally beloved or derided albums, the solution space will be small, for controversial albums, it will be large. For goddamned random albums like Iron Maiden's Greatest Hits, it will be a ridiculous shape, because nobody cares what the *uck a zero metal-credibilty having cobag on the Pitchfork staff actually thinks about this "album", given the fact that it cannot possibly receive a review that would fit it into the mindset of several hundred other reviews on the site. Oh look, they just rereleased The Police's Synchronicity, I can't wait to see what Amanda Petrusch has to say about it! Hey, wait isn't that an old S.O.D. cassette that someone got on Ebay? I shudder in anticipation for Joe Tangari's (a reviewer we actually respect) take!

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